IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

some people believe that nowadays we have too many choices.to what extent do you agree or disagree with this statements

The world greatly changes
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
 the
choices
Use synonyms
 play important roles in human life.
While
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 it is a commonly held belief that
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 variety of
choices
Use synonyms
 are available in a human's life, there is
also
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 an argument that opposes it. In my
opinion
Add a comma
opinion,
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 I consider that there are tremendous opportunities
in
Change preposition
apply
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Linking Words
this
Correct determiner usage
apply
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worldwide.
To begin
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 with, I think that
People
Use synonyms
 in the past
has
Wrong verb form
had
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low
Fix the agreement mistake
fewer
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choices
Use synonyms
 compared with nowadays.
In other words
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, citizens can easily get money
although
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 they don't have
experiences
Fix the agreement mistake
experience
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 or even certificates.
In addition
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, there are
massive
Correct word choice
many
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 ways that
people
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 could use to enhance their Lives.
For example
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, they can be a model, blogger or influencer. In fact, even tough things could be famous and spread
in
Change preposition
on
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 social media and get a lot of likes and financial support.
As a result
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 of
this
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, the person will be rich
as well as
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 he will not focus
in
Change preposition
on
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education
Correct article usage
the education
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 side. Another point to consider
that
Verb problem
is that
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 it
is
Wrong verb form
was
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 very hard to get money in the past. It is
also
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 possible to say that there are low
choices
Use synonyms
 and opportunities. If nations don’t have a certificate or experience, they will never have a job. There was no social media or technology
and
Punctuation problem
, and
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 they
rely
Wrong verb form
relied
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 on
person
Replace the word
personal
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 proficiency or performance in specific fields.
Moreover
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,
the
Correct article usage
apply
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people
Use synonyms
 don’t have
opportunity
Correct article usage
the opportunity
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 to show their creativity to the world.
For instance
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,
population
Correct article usage
the population
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,
Punctuation problem
apply
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 who are uneducated
,
Punctuation problem
apply
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 have low income because no one will hire them or consider
that
Correct word choice
apply
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they
are
Verb problem
apply
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useful.
In contrast
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, nowadays, a lot of companies believe in
Use synonyms
people
Check wording
people's
show examples
 creativity more than their education level. In conclusion, despite
people
Use synonyms
 having different views, I believe that
people
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 have many
choices
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 that can decide their
life
Check wording
apply
show examples
way.

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tip
Plan your essay. State your view at once and say how far you agree or disagree. Then give two or three direct ideas to prove your view.
tip
Make a clear link from past to now. Use simple words like then and now to show change.
improvement
Keep the order: intro, two or three full ideas, and a short ending. Use topic sentences to start each paragraph.
improvement
Use real and clear examples. Explain how they show your idea, not just name them.
grammar
Check grammar. Use simple tense and subject-verb form. People in the past had instead of has.
strength
Clear stance in the end
strength
Uses a past vs now frame
strength
Gives real examples like social media stars

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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