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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Young people are often influenced in their behaviors and situations by others in the same age. This is called “peer pressure”. Do the disadvantages outweigh the advantages?

Peer
Use synonyms
 squeeze, which refers to the influence of community from the same age , likes , or statuses , now plays a crucial role in the behaviour of
young
Correct article usage
the young
show examples
 population.
While
Linking Words
 it can sometimes provide motivation or encouragement, the disadvantages are huge. It is shown that a lot of negative consequences occur on emotional well-being and even physical energy
,
Punctuation problem
. This
show examples
this
Linking Words
 paper is going to discuss the drawbacks and benefits of
peer
Use synonyms
 burden and its effects on youngsters. On one hand, these peers or
association
Fix the agreement mistake
associations
show examples
 can be an actual source of motivation and positive influence
, in
Punctuation problem
. In
show examples
 academic fields, students could feel encouraged to start improving their academic performance when their classmates are often more focused on studying than hanging out.
Also
Linking Words
, they can have some development in their social skills,
such
Linking Words
 as communication, teamwork, empathy and confidence.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, the disadvantages of
peer
Use synonyms
 pressure are more dangerous and damaging. Frequently, it leads to promoting risky behaviours, some of which , like smoking, drinking, and even using drugs, can seriously affect well-being.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, most of these tendencies are forcing teenagers to avoid their own values or principles in order to fit in with those groups.
Consequently
Linking Words
, it takes a huge responsibility on emotional and mental fitness
,
Punctuation problem
;
show examples
 these young
community
Fix the agreement mistake
communities
show examples
 are more exposed to anxiety, stress, and a bad self-esteem ,
while
Linking Words
 they are often struggling to meet the social expectations set by these
association
Fix the agreement mistake
associations
show examples
, which , in my opinion, is a big long-term concern for teens' mental health.
To sum up
Linking Words
, meanwhile
peer
Use synonyms
 pressure can offer motivation or support through academic and social development, its negative influence on health, emotional stability clearly outweighs the benefits of it. Young people must learn to use these
peer
Use synonyms
 groups
responsibility
Replace the word
responsibly
show examples
, and
also
Linking Words
 improve their self-confidence to make their own choices without the heavy pressure of expectation on them.

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structure
Make a clear plan: intro with a clear view, 2 body parts each with one main idea, and a short conclusion.
topic
Stick to the topic of peer pressure. Use the same words (like 'peer pressure' or 'peers') and avoid new terms.
examples
Give simple, clear examples that fit the point and explain how they show the idea.
language
Use short and clear sentences. Add small linking words like 'and', 'but', 'also' to join ideas.
editing
Check grammar and fix mistakes such as comma use and run-on sentences.
conclusion
End with a short line that clearly says your view on the question.
content
The essay shows you think about both sides.
structure
There is a clear start and end, with an 'To sum up' line.
coherence
Some ideas are well linked and the plan is easy to see.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • influence
  • behaviors
  • peer pressure
  • academic performance
  • social activities
  • risky behaviors
  • health and wellbeing
  • social skills development
  • teamwork
  • communication
  • empathy
  • individuality
  • independence
  • conformity
  • emotional well-being
  • mental well-being
  • self-esteem
  • negative consequences
  • positive influence
  • motivation
  • encouragement
  • sense of belonging
What to do next:
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