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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

In recent years, the family structure has changed, as well as family roles. What are the changes occurrimg? Do yo believe these changes are positive or negative?

There is no denying the fact that the family
structure
Use synonyms
 has completely changed. Well, it is a commonly held belief that the
structure
Use synonyms
 of family has changed
Linking Words
besides
Punctuation problem
; besides
show examples
 family roles, there is
also
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 an argument that
oppose
Correct subject-verb agreement
opposes
show examples
 it. In my opinion, I believe that the changes that have occurred to the family
structure
Use synonyms
 and roles indicate
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
a positive advancement.
To begin
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 with, the family
structure
Use synonyms
 has changed to a more
varier
Use the right word
varied
show examples
and
Correct pronoun usage
one and
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 provides
lot
Correct article usage
a lot
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 of choice, which depends on the parents themselves.
In other words
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, modern families usually tend to live away from their parents, which provides them
more
Change preposition
with more
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 privacy and freedom.
In addition
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, the family
structure
Use synonyms
 was complex and complicated, including a large number of people living
in
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under
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a
Correct article usage
the
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roof
Correct word choice
same roof
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, and working together in the same business or in a certain corporation. In the
past
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past,
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 the rules of family were very strict and
honored
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honoured
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, which limited the freedom of having a different dream or inspiration.
For instance
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, Another point to consider is
that
Correct word choice
apply
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that family roles have changed
according to
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 the necessities of today’s life. It is
also
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 possible to say that in the past
men
Punctuation problem
, men
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 provided money and essential resources to their families,
while
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 the main job of women
is
Wrong verb form
was
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 taking care of the household and children.
However
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, now men and women work together and distribute the responsibilities between them
Linking Words
besides
Punctuation problem
, besides
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 making an achievement in our world..
For example
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, the current family work alongside each other, and provides
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
sufficient financial support to their children. In conclusion, there are many changes have occurred in today’s family
structure
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,
Punctuation problem
;
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however
Linking Words
,
Change the punctuation
apply
show examples
,
due to
Linking Words
 these changes, a life
with
Change preposition
of
show examples
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
prosperity and opportunities
becomes
Wrong verb form
has become
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 within reach
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
 people.

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structure
Plan an essay before writing. Start with a short intro, then 2-3 clear ideas, each with its own sentence. End with a simple conclusion.
content
State your view clearly in the start and restate it at the end.
content
Give real, simple examples. A small fact or event helps the point.
language
Check grammar. Watch for subject-verb agreement and plural s. Use clear, simple phrases.
coherence
Use linking words to guide the reader, such as first, also, but, for example, and therefore.
content
You show that changes in family life can be seen as good.
content
You note sharing work and money in families.
purpose
The essay has a clear end that says life can be better with change.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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