IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Some people believe that young people bring more profits to a company. Others says that older people actually bring more profit. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

There is no denying the fact that making
profit
Correct article usage
a profit
show examples
 is the main goal for companies.
While
Linking Words
 it is a commonly held belief that young
people
Use synonyms
 bring more profits, there is
also
Linking Words
 an argument that elderly
people
Use synonyms
 actually bring more profit.
This
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 essay will discuss
this
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 topic
Change preposition
from
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both
point
Fix the agreement mistake
points
show examples
 of view and express my
opinoin
Correct your spelling
opinion
. On
one
Correct article usage
the one
show examples
 hand, younger
people
Use synonyms
 have the ability to cope with new technological advancements.
In other words
Linking Words
, youngsters have high potential and
inclined
Verb problem
are inclined
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using
Wrong verb form
to use
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 several
type
Fix the agreement mistake
types
show examples
 of
approches reletad
Correct your spelling
approaches related
 to technology.
In addition
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, younger
people
Use synonyms
 have more diversified ideas and
prepectives
Correct your spelling
perspectives
 that would inspire the
company
Use synonyms
excutives
Correct your spelling
executives
.
For example
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, a young
spent
Check wording
person spent
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 his
live
Replace the word
life
show examples
with
Change preposition
apply
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coping with different types of technology,
that
Correct pronoun usage
which
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 can help them
developing
Wrong verb form
develop
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inspirational ideas to increase the profit of the
company
Use synonyms
.
On the other hand
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, older
pople
Correct your spelling
people
 are
well- informed
Use the right word
well-informed
show examples
 about the
market'
Check wording
market's
show examples
 threats and opportunities,
that
Correct pronoun usage
which
show examples
 would help the
company
Use synonyms
 to thrive and take chances.
it
Fix capitalization
It
show examples
 is
also
Linking Words
 possible to say that elderly
people
Use synonyms
 can deal with
life
Check wording
life's
show examples
 difficult circumstances,
with
Use the right word
which
show examples
 is incredibly
imoprtant
Correct your spelling
important
, especially when the
company
Use synonyms
at
Verb problem
is at
show examples
 a high risk of
loosing
Use the right word
losing
show examples
 a large proportion of their stocks.
Moreover
Linking Words
, older
people
Use synonyms
 have a vast
contacts
Fix the agreement mistake
contact
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 network, which
is
Verb problem
apply
show examples
boosters
Replace the word
boosts
show examples
 the reputation of the
company
Use synonyms
 and provides more clients. For
inctanes
Correct your spelling
instance
, a study by Dr.
sara
Fix capitalization
Sara
show examples
 Ahmed in Saudi
arabia
Fix capitalization
Arabia
show examples
 reveals that 50% of
Use synonyms
company's
Correct article usage
a company's
show examples
 profits are significantly
depends
Replace the word
dependent
show examples
 on having a wider range of clients and
sponsers
Correct your spelling
sponsors
. In conclusion, there are no easy answers to
this
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 question. On balance,
however
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,
i
Fix capitalization
I
show examples
 tend to believe that
young
Correct article usage
the young
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 generation
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
show examples
 many abilities when dealing with technology, and they can adopt new
appoaches
Correct your spelling
approaches
 and theories.
Nevertheless
Linking Words
, they need the constant guidance provided by
old
Correct article usage
the old
show examples
 generation, who have adequate
experiences
Fix the agreement mistake
experience
show examples
 to polish youngsters' skills and to convey
them
Change preposition
to them
show examples
 the required knowledge.

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task response
Make a clear plan before you write. State your view in one place and keep it in mind as you add points.
coherence and cohesion
Link ideas well. Use clear words to show how one idea leads to the next.
task response
Give simple and real examples. Numbers or dates help.
language use
Check spelling and grammar. Fix miss words and wrong forms.
content
The writer tries to cover both sides and give a final view.
structure
There is a clear aim to show balance and to end with an opinion.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • profitability
  • tech-savvy
  • innovation
  • adaptable
  • experience
  • interpersonal skills
  • cultivated
  • decision-making
  • knowledge
  • mentorship
  • cost-effective
  • workplace environment
  • competitive edge
  • insights
  • leadership skills
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