IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Some people believe that govts should act to the change the way individuals live in order to ensure they have more healthy lifestyle.Others however think that they should live as they choose.Discuss both and give your opinion

In these
Change preposition
These
show examples
 days,some individuals think that
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
Use synonyms
goverments
Correct your spelling
governments
 must think about the way that
people
Use synonyms
lives
Correct subject-verb agreement
live
show examples
healty
Correct your spelling
healthily
,
although
Linking Words
another
Fix the agreement mistake
other
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 say that everyone must choose how to live.In
this
Linking Words
 essay, I will try to discuss
about
Change preposition
apply
show examples
both of these views and give my idea. On the one hand,
people
Use synonyms
Correct word order
with that
show examples
that
Correct pronoun usage
whom
show examples
 I agree
with
Correct word order
apply
show examples
them
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 think that
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
Use synonyms
goverments
Correct your spelling
governments
 must make rules that
Verb problem
are benefical
show examples
benefical
Correct your spelling
beneficial
 for
nation
Correct article usage
the nation
show examples
.For
instans
Correct your spelling
instance
Punctuation problem
, regulation
show examples
regulation
Fix the agreement mistake
regulations
show examples
 about food
is
Verb problem
apply
show examples
play a vital role in
quality
Correct article usage
the quality
show examples
 of
people
Use synonyms
's health.
Fourthermore
Correct your spelling
Furthermore
they
Punctuation problem
, they
show examples
 must
be
Verb problem
apply
show examples
encourage them to eat healthy food
instans
Correct your spelling
instead
 of fast food that contains lots of oil and
suger
Correct your spelling
sugar
.
As a
Linking Words
result
Add a comma
result,
show examples
people
Use synonyms
dont
Correct your spelling
don't
 obey
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
this
Linking Words
 idea,they may get
illness
Replace the word
ill
show examples
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 lower age, because of
impact
Correct article usage
the impact
show examples
 of junk foods
Punctuation problem
, that
show examples
that
Correct pronoun usage
which
show examples
 may
has
Wrong verb form
have
show examples
worse
Correct article usage
a worse
show examples
 effect
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 their health and mental ability
Punctuation problem
. and
show examples
and in
Correct word choice
In
show examples
this
Linking Words
soceity
Correct your spelling
society
individuals
Punctuation problem
, individuals
show examples
have not
Rephrase
don't have
show examples
 good function
so
Punctuation problem
, so
show examples
Use synonyms
goverments
Correct your spelling
governments
 must make
low
Use the right word
laws
show examples
 to regulate it. On the
others
Fix the agreement mistake
other
show examples
 hand,others say that
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
freedom of the nations must not be
limitd
Correct your spelling
limited
.Everybody has
right
Correct article usage
the right
show examples
 to select what to do and what to eat or drink.They think that each law
that
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
make
Wrong verb form
made
show examples
 by
governmets
Correct your spelling
governments
 is a limitation for
people
Use synonyms
.They think that
bodys
Correct your spelling
bodies
 must be free to
chosse
Correct your spelling
choose
 what to do in their life.
For
Linking Words
example
Punctuation problem
example,
show examples
 in my country,
people
Use synonyms
forced
Verb problem
are forced
show examples
 to stop eating pork or drinking alcohol,because of
law
Correct article usage
the law
show examples
.
Althouhg
Correct your spelling
Although
this
Linking Words
 is a limitation for
people
Use synonyms
,I think it helps
person
Fix the agreement mistake
people
show examples
 to live
healther
Correct your spelling
healthier
 with
long
Correct article usage
a long
show examples
 life without any need
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
 doctors or
hospital
Fix the agreement mistake
hospitals
show examples
 because of
over
Use the right word
overall
show examples
alchohol dirinknig
Correct your spelling
alcohol drinking
. In conclusion,
although
Linking Words
 some
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
laws may
brings
Wrong verb form
bring
show examples
limitions
Correct your spelling
limitations
 for nations,I strongly
belive
Use the right word
believe
show examples
 that
Use synonyms
goverments
Correct your spelling
governments
 have to make a
compulsary
Correct your spelling
compulsory
 decision
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
perevnt
Correct your spelling
prevent
people
Use synonyms
to get
Change preposition
from getting
show examples
illness
Replace the word
ill
show examples
 or
lost
Wrong verb form
losing
show examples
 their
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

planning
Plan your essay before you write. Make a short plan with three parts: intro, two body parts, conclusion.
task response
In the intro, clearly state the topic and your view. Use a simple sentence.
content
In each body paragraph, start with a clear topic sentence and give one clear example.
coherence
Use simple linking words to show how ideas connect, like 'for example', 'also', 'however', 'therefore'.
language
Check spelling and grammar to avoid small mistakes that slow reading.
structure
The essay tries to cover both sides and ends with a view.
technique
There is a sense of order with 'on the one hand' and 'on the other hand'.
position
The writer makes a clear final opinion.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • government
  • health
  • healthy
  • life
  • policy
  • rule
  • plan
  • tax
  • ads
  • advertisements
  • ban
  • public
  • campaign
  • information
  • choice
  • freedom
  • responsibility
  • cost
  • money
  • fair
  • unfair
  • effect
  • impact
  • support
  • program
  • target
  • group
  • city
  • park
  • bike
  • walk
  • exercise
  • habits
  • lifestyle
  • issue
  • society
  • culture
  • limit
What to do next:
Look at other essays: