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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

In many countries nowadays, consumers can go to a supermarket and buy food produced all over the world. Do you think this is a positive or negative development?

It is undeniable that in many nations, primary and secondary schools remain closed for two or more months during the summer
holidays
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. In
this
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 essay, I will discuss both the advantages of long
school
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holidays
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 and the drawbacks of extended closures. On the one hand, many individuals believe that long
school
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holidays
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 increase satisfaction and happiness.
In other words
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, exams and classes make
students
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 stressed, and they often do not have free time to play with their friends because they need to study after
school
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.
For example
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, during long
breaks
Add a comma
breaks,
show examples
 they can travel with their families or spend more time with friends since they do not need to go to
school
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 and study.
This
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 leads them to become happier and more energetic when the
school
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 term resumes.
In addition
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, they become more productive and are able to concentrate better on their studies when
school
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 opens again.
On the other hand
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, extended
school
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holidays
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 can negatively impact
students
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 because of the long gap without studying.
For instance
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, in Singapore, researchers found that 85 per cent of
students
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 spent their
holidays
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 watching movies or playing games at home without doing any physical activities.
As a result
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, many of them needed to see doctors to have their eyes checked, and some
students
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’ eyesight even worsened.
Therefore
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, parents should encourage their children to attend activity classes,
such
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 as swimming or other sports, to avoid these unnecessary problems.
To conclude
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, despite the negative effects of long
school
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holidays
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, I believe that they are more valuable because
students
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 can enjoy their free time, relax fully without studying, and return with renewed energy.

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task response
Make a short plan at the start. A quick intro should say what you will talk about.
task response
Give one strong point for and one for the other side, then add a clear final view.
coherence
Use simple link words to show compare and contrast.
evidence
Use real and clear examples to back up your points.
grammar
Check grammar and use short, simple sentences.
structure
There is a clear plan with an intro, body parts and a short end.
coherence
The essay uses sign words like 'On the one hand' and 'On the other hand'.
evidence
There is a real example from a country to show a point.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • nutrition
  • cultural exposure
  • competitive markets
  • economic boost
  • employment opportunities
  • carbon footprint
  • environmental impact
  • local produce
  • food security
  • global supply chain
  • sustainable practices
  • consumer choice
  • market dynamics
  • price competition
  • agricultural sector
What to do next:
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