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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Nowadays children watch much more television than they did in the past and spend less time being active or creative. What is the reason for this? What measures should be taken to encourage children to be more active?

There is no denying the fact that, in today’s world, many children spend their leisure
time
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 being inactive and less creative. It is a commonly held belief that, in the past, children used to invest their free
time
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 in more useful activities rather than watching TV. In
this
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 essay, I will explain the reasons for
this
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 problem and suggest possible solutions to encourage children to be more active and creative. On the one hand,
this
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 problem does not affect all the families in the world
,
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;
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 some are interested in teaching their young kids moral, educational activities and subjects like math, science, etc.
In other words
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, these knowledges assist the child to be creative and act actively in society.
For example
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, Albert Einstein, the scientist, used to have an impressive childhood with immense achievements and research.
On the other hand
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, some parents are lazy and do not take care of and engage in their child's life, and it is easiest for them to give their kids a telephone or television , which harms their health and affects their lifestyle.
Moreover
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, addiction to the screen occurs when they spend an excessive amount of
time
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 focusing on the screen.
As a result
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,
this
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 addiction can lead to deteriorating vision, eye strain and redness.
For instance
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, research conducted in Germany revealed that the over-exposure to television harms 90 per cent of people in Berlin since they used to spend a lot of
time
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 watching television. In conclusion, considering the bad results on people’s health, regulations must be set by parents to protect their children’s health. In the recent world, new technologies are significantly helpful can managing and controlling the kids’ free
time
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 in an appropriate way.

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task
Plan more clearly: state the problem, give two or three reasons, then give concrete steps to fix the problem. Each idea should have a link to the next.
coherence
Link ideas in each paragraph with simple words like first, also, but, so, therefore. Use a clear flow from one sentence to the next.
examples
Use real, easy examples and avoid wrong facts. If you mention a statistic or person, make it accurate and simple.
structure
The essay tries to answer the task and has an overall view.
structure
There is a clear intro and a conclusion.
lexical
Language is mostly easy to read with common words.
Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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