IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3.5

Some people argue that the most effective way to improve public health is to increase the number of sports facilities. Others, however, believe that this has little effect and that other measures are required. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

It is
undeniable
Correct article usage
an undeniable
show examples
 fact that health is considered a crucial part of human beings.
Although
Linking Words
 many
masses
Check wording
people
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 consider that the government should come forward and find
the
Correct article usage
apply
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solutions to live in good shape, others believe that small eating habits and spare time for exercise can merely
manage
Wrong verb form
managed
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 by
the folks
Check wording
individuals
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. As far as I am concerned, there are plenty of other issues which are already addressed by the authorities
,
Punctuation problem
;
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therefore
Linking Words
, it is not a good idea to put the burden on them. On the one hand, the government have full control over institutes and restaurants.They supervise these centres to facilitate
people
Use synonyms
's active
lifestyle
Fix the agreement mistake
lifestyles
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. The authority visits restaurants and checks their food quality, regulates them ,
restricts
Correct word choice
and restricts
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 them from providing
people
Use synonyms
 with clean and Nutritious food.
Moreover
Linking Words
, states organise physical activities
such
Linking Words
 as exercise, sports events, intra-school support competitions , etc
in
Punctuation problem
, in
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 schools and colleges that have a good impact on students' fitness.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, the Establishment organises Public care awareness seminars in the cities to make
people
Use synonyms
 aware of the importance of well-being.
Additionally
Linking Words
, they keep cities clean of garbage , well
sewerage
Use the right word
well-sewerage
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 system to facilitate
people
Use synonyms
's good life. In conclusion,
while
Linking Words
 a majority think that the government is in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
power and they can put strict laws on local restaurants that are providing unhealthy
foodstuff
Check wording
food
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, one emphasises that only individuals can change themselves by implementing a healthy diet in their daily life.
However
Linking Words
, I opine that running and exercise are two excellent ways to maintain a superior physique.

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structure
Plan first: outline your main idea for both views and your own view. Use one sentence for each paragraph.
grammar
Check grammar and simple word choice. Fix common slips like 'the government have' and run-on ideas.
content
Add clear examples to back your point, even simple ones from life or common facts.
tone
Keep balance between sides and end with a firm, clear opinion.
structure
Use clear topic sentence in each paragraph to show main idea.
content
The essay tries to discuss both sides.
structure
Opinion is stated clearly.
style
Some link words link ideas.

Structure your answers in logical paragraphs

The easiest way to score well on the IELTS Task 2 writing portion is to structure your writing in a solid essay format.

A strong argument essay structure can be split up into 4 paragraphs, each containing 4 sentences (except the conclusion paragraph, which only contains 3 sentences).

Stick to this essay structure:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • public health
  • sports facilities
  • physical activity
  • exercise
  • chronic diseases
  • heart disease
  • obesity
  • inclusivity
  • participation
  • safe environment
  • social interaction
  • community engagement
  • comprehensive approach
  • health education programs
  • environmental factors
  • healthcare infrastructure
  • quality healthcare services
  • public health initiatives
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