IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

“The graph below shows the number of shops that closed and the number of new shops that opened in one country between 2011 and 2018.”

“The graph below shows the number of shops that closed and the number of new shops that opened in one country between 2011 and 2018.”
The line
chart
Use synonyms
 gives information about the closures and openings
Use synonyms
shops
Change preposition
of shops
show examples
Check wording
apply
show examples
number
Use synonyms
 in one country from 2011 to 2018.
Overall
Linking Words
, the closures and openings
Change preposition
of shop
show examples
shop
Fix the agreement mistake
shops
show examples
 fell
down
Change preposition
apply
show examples
over the
chart
Use synonyms
period
Use synonyms
.
Although
Linking Words
 the opening
shops
Use synonyms
Use synonyms
number
Check wording
apply
show examples
was higher than the closures
shop
Check wording
apply
show examples
at the beginning
Use synonyms
period
Correct word order
apply
show examples
of the
chart
Use synonyms
.
Correct word order
period.
show examples
 In 2011,the
opening
Correct word choice
number of open
show examples
shops
Use synonyms
Use synonyms
number
Check wording
apply
show examples
was about 8500
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
 it was the highest
number
Use synonyms
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 the
chart
Use synonyms
period
Use synonyms
.The next year
it’s
Use the right word
its
show examples
number
Use synonyms
 decreased to 4000.The following two years
Punctuation problem
, its
show examples
its
Use the right word
it's
show examples
 again gradually increased to about 6200.The next four years
the
Punctuation problem
, the
show examples
number
Use synonyms
 of opening
shops
Use synonyms
 fluctuated
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
the
Change preposition
in the
show examples
last
Linking Words
 year fell
down
Rephrase
apply
show examples
to 2000. Meanwhile,the
closing
Correct word choice
number of closed
show examples
shops
Use synonyms
Use synonyms
number
Check wording
apply
show examples
was around 6200 in 2011.The second year
it's
Verb problem
it
show examples
 fell down but rose in 2013
which
Punctuation problem
, which
show examples
 was the largest
number
Use synonyms
 in the
chart
Use synonyms
period
Use synonyms
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
 the
number
Use synonyms
 was around 7100.The next two years
its
Correct pronoun usage
it
show examples
again fell
Correct word order
fell again
show examples
down
Rephrase
apply
show examples
and it was the lowest
number
Use synonyms
of
Change preposition
on
show examples
 the
chart
Use synonyms
 and the
number
Use synonyms
 was around 900.
Then
Linking Words
,
it's
Verb problem
it
show examples
again rose
Correct word order
rose again
show examples
 and fluctuated.At
last
Linking Words
,
In
Fix capitalization
in
show examples
2018
Punctuation problem
2018,
show examples
 it reached about 5200.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "last".
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Basic structure: Write more paragraphs.
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Contractions: Don't use contractions.
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Basic structure: Add more body paragraphs.
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Basic structure: Write more paragraphs.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words chart, shops, number, period with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "chart" was used 6 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "fell" was used 4 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "fluctuated" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 4 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 3 times.
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