IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

In some countries, more and more people are hiring a personal fitness trainer, rather than playing sport or doing exercise classes. What are the reasons for this? Is this a positive or a negative development? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant example from own knowledge or experience.

There is a new trend which has arisen recently in many
countries
Punctuation problem
countries,
show examples
that
Correct word choice
where
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people
Use synonyms
 are hiring their
owner
Replace the word
own
show examples
fitness
Use synonyms
trainer
Use synonyms
 to be trained solely rather
joining
Change preposition
than joining
show examples
fitness
Use synonyms
class
Fix the agreement mistake
classes
show examples
altogether
Rephrase
apply
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with other
people
Use synonyms
.
This
Linking Words
 essay will first suggest that
personalization
Use the right word
personalisation
show examples
 of training
program
Fix the agreement mistake
programs
show examples
 and
desire
Correct article usage
the desire
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 for secrecy are two foremost reasons
and
Punctuation problem
, and
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then
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,
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apply
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 explain why
this
Linking Words
 is a positive development. One of the motivations behind
this
Linking Words
 decision is to tailor the training program as per own
requirement
Fix the agreement mistake
requirements
show examples
.
In other words
Linking Words
,
people
Use synonyms
 like to choose their own preference of
fitness
Use synonyms
program
Punctuation problem
program,
show examples
 whatever suits them best
and
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, and
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 eventually
this
Linking Words
 leads to a sense of freedom and control over the process.
For example
Linking Words
, the cricketers nowadays, even though they practice in
team
Fix the agreement mistake
teams
show examples
, have their own
fitness
Use synonyms
trainer
Use synonyms
.
This
Linking Words
 is because each cricketer knows his weak points, where
should he
Correct word order
he should
show examples
 put emphasis to ameliorate physically and
also
Linking Words
whichbexercise
Correct your spelling
which exercise
 suits him the best. Another noticeable reason is
the
Correct article usage
that
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people
Use synonyms
 want privacy and want to keep their personal information safe.
This
Linking Words
 is to say, when a person exercises outside
along with
Linking Words
 other
people
Use synonyms
, these other
people
Use synonyms
 are likely to know about the physical condition of that person
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 generally don't want their information to be spread out. Take the example of the movie stars,
they
Correct pronoun usage
who
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 exercise with their own
trainer
Use synonyms
 just to protect their personal information from being leaked. In my opinion,
this
Linking Words
 is a positive development since
this
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 has
considerable
Correct article usage
a considerable
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 influence on our personal
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
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as well as
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 on
economy
Correct article usage
the economy
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. Having your own personal
trainer
Use synonyms
 certainly pushes you to remain active and
takepart
Correct your spelling
take part
 in physical activities.
For instance
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, when one has a personal
trainer
Use synonyms
, there is a
less
Correct word choice
lower
show examples
 probability that he or she is going to miss any session out of laziness. Another
adventage
Correct your spelling
advantage
 is that
;
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
this
Linking Words
 practice creates jobs.
This
Linking Words
 is to say, when we started to have
to have
Remove the redundancy
apply
show examples
our own
trainer
Use synonyms
thus
Linking Words
 a new field of jobs was created. In
conciusion
Correct your spelling
conclusion
,
people
Use synonyms
 nowadays have
own
Correct pronoun usage
their own
show examples
trainer
Use synonyms
 because of the benefits of
customization
Use the right word
customisation
show examples
 and protection of secrecy
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
this
Linking Words
 is a positive development since they have more impact on personal health and economy.

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planning
Plan what you will say. Write a short plan: intro, 2 or 3 body parts, and a short end. Each part has one main idea.
language
Use small, clear words. Use simple links like also, but, so, for example. Check word and grammar.
content
You state a clear view that hiring a trainer is good.
content
You give real examples to back your points (stars, athletes).
structure
The request is answered and parts are seen.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Fitness
  • Health
  • Personalized
  • Effective
  • Workout routines
  • Motivation
  • Guidance
  • Busy schedules
  • Limited time
  • One-on-one training
  • Qualified
  • Experienced
  • Overall well-being
What to do next:
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