IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 2

In many parts of the world, children and teenagers are committing more crimes. Why do you think it is the case? How should children and teenagers be punished?

There are more crimes are being committed worldwide by youngsters and teenagers. The main reason
is
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apply
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lies generally in
the
Correct article usage
apply
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their mindset and the lack of proper
child-rise
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child-rearing
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.
First
Correct article usage
The first
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 reason is an awareness of the individuals. People should think strategically before having a child.
For example
Linking Words
, when
the
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apply
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individuals from
the
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apply
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poor
area
Fix the agreement mistake
areas
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 with
lack
Correct article usage
a lack
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 of basic needs
,
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apply
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 raise their
children
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 among crime and poverty, there is less chance that the
children
Use synonyms
grow
Verb problem
will grow
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 up well-behaved and
would
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apply
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contribute
society
Change preposition
to society
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.
Secondly
Linking Words
, there is a lack of communication between parents and their
children
Use synonyms
 despite
of
Change preposition
apply
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class.
For instance
Linking Words
,
due to
Linking Words
 their full schedule, parents tend to be less attentive in their
children
Use synonyms
's lives.
Additionally
Linking Words
, many people would allow their
children
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 to act
inappropriate
Replace the word
inappropriately
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, since they know there is no charge for disorderly
conducts
Fix the agreement mistake
conduct
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, the public works are maximum. In conclusion, people should be aware before and during
child-raise
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child-rearing
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, if they
able
Verb problem
are able
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 to give a good nurturing
or
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environment or
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 at least punish them
instead
Linking Words
 of being
tolerate
Replace the word
tolerant
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 towards the crimes committed by their kids, that would hurt others or impact
negatively
Rephrase
apply
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on society.
Moreover
Linking Words
, it is a
know
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known
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 fact that awareness is a key in every aspect of our lives.

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task response
Task response: The essay tries to answer both why crime grows and how to punish. It needs a clear start and end. Say your main idea in one sentence at the start and finish with a firm plan. Add two clear ideas for punishment and give a simple reason for each.
coherence and cohesion
Coherence and cohesion: Use clear paragraphs. Start with a short intro, then body parts with a topic sentence, and end with a conclusion. Use linking words like first, next, also, because, so to show the order.
content
The essay shows an attempt to answer the question.
content
There is an attempt to give examples connected to poverty and family life.
structure
The writer uses a closing line to end the essay.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • juvenile delinquency
  • family unit breakdown
  • parental guidance
  • supervision
  • behavioral issues
  • media influence
  • violent video games
  • social media
  • peer pressure
  • social acceptance
  • economic disadvantage
  • lack of opportunities
  • mental health issues
  • underlying psychological problems
  • rehabilitative measures
  • community service
  • counseling
  • educational programs
  • deterrent
  • reintegrate into society
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