IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people believe that wild animals should not be kept in zoos or other man-made environments as there is no longer a need for them in the 21st century. Do you agree or disagree?

In the
presrnt
Correct your spelling
present
 era, certain individuals realised that
zoos
Use synonyms
 are extremely harmful for
animals
Use synonyms
 that used to live in
natural
Correct article usage
a natural
show examples
 environment.
However
Linking Words
,
zoos
Use synonyms
 still catch
animals
Use synonyms
 and place them into cages, depriving them of their usual life. And I intend to give a brief outline of the main arguments.
Firstly
Linking Words
,
zoos
Use synonyms
 have a dramatic impact on
animals
Use synonyms
' health.
For example
Linking Words
, lions and tigers are often kept in cages much smaller than their usual environment.
Consequently
Linking Words
, they get a lot of stress because of the inability to hunt and lack of freedom, which sometimes can lead to aggressive behaviour.
Therefore
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, big cats , like other species, may struggle with obesity because they are used to walking dozens of kilometres every day, and
zoos
Use synonyms
 cannot allow the same conditions.
Secondly
Linking Words
, fewer people visit
zoos
Use synonyms
 nowadays, because there are better alternatives.
For instance
Linking Words
, with fast-paced technologies and dramatic AI development, people have more opportunities to learn about wildlife. In a not-too-distant future, it is a realm of possibility that everything can be replaced by robots, which would create more eco-friendly alternatives. To take a case in point,
zoos
Use synonyms
 are becoming outdated and unnecessary in the 21st century. All things considered,
zoos
Use synonyms
 are losing their relevance in the modern world because modern technologies exist. I strongly disagree that
animals
Use synonyms
 should be kept in man-made
environments
Punctuation problem
environments,
show examples
 as it not only affects the wildlife but
also
Linking Words
 causes the loss of biodiversity.

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task response
Make your view clear in the first line.
structure
Use one idea per paragraph with a clear topic sentence.
development
Explain each idea well with real and simple examples.
coherence
Link ideas with simple connectors like 'also','but','so' to help flow.
grammar
Check spellings and small grammar errors to help readers.
task achievement
Clear stance against keeping animals in zoos.
coherence
Good use of order words 'Firstly','Secondly'.
structure
Conclusion restates view.

Word Count

IELTS says that you should write a minimum of 250 words in writing task 2. If you go under word count you will lose marks in task response.

A very long essay will not give you a higher band score.

Aim for between 260 to 290 words in writing task 2. This will ensure a concise essay and will be realistic in terms of time management. You have only 40 minutes to write the essay and you need around 10 minutes of planning time, so you will not be able to write a long essay in 30 minutes.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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