IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Many museums charge for admission while others are free. Do you think the advantages of charging people for admission to museums outweigh the disadvantages?

Museums and educational
centre
Fix the agreement mistake
centres
show examples
 play an indispensable part in everyday life. Despite the fact that charging for entry may have some positive impact on the economic status, it on
Replace the word
balance
show examples
balanced
Punctuation problem
balanced,
show examples
 achieved the negative outcome in deteriorating the academic performance in
educational
Correct article usage
the educational
show examples
 department. It is reasonable to
advocates
Wrong verb form
advocate
show examples
 that revenue can
rise potentially
Correct word order
potentially rise
show examples
 with the entry fee paid by tourists and undergrads.
For example
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
 income can be used in several
areas
Punctuation problem
areas,
show examples
include
Replace the word
including
show examples
reestablishment
Correct article usage
the reestablishment
show examples
 of the whole museum to attract more customers and to save some distinctive animals for a better atmosphere to live.
Moreover
Linking Words
, the remaining revenue can be spent
to
Change preposition
on
show examples
some
Fix the agreement mistake
apply
show examples
other industries like educational
centre
Fix the agreement mistake
centres
show examples
 or technology development.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, when
educational
Correct article usage
the educational
show examples
 department
received
Wrong verb form
receives
show examples
 a huge sum of income, teachers and professors can obtain
more
Correct word choice
a higher
show examples
 salary by
delivered
Wrong verb form
delivering
show examples
 the same course content
towards
Change preposition
apply
show examples
to undergraduates.
Nevertheless
Linking Words
, charging for entry can
also
Linking Words
 have some drawbacks in the academic level of performance. If museums are aimed at making profits from guests like undergraduates,
then
Linking Words
students
Use synonyms
 from poor nations will have inadequate money to
spent
Wrong verb form
spend
show examples
 on exhibitions. Without
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
sufficient research, university
students
Use synonyms
 are unable to finish their assignments and research
project
Fix the agreement mistake
projects
show examples
, resulting in
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
low academic progress. Other disadvantages of
this
Linking Words
 profit-making system can have a detrimental effect on
students
Use synonyms
 in later career development. Technological companies like Alibaba and Tesla
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 would require undergrads to have abundant skills and full of experience to ensure the company run smoothly;
students
Use synonyms
 with lack of research
may
Check wording
skills may
show examples
 face challenges from all sorts of directions
Linking Words
such
Punctuation problem
, such
show examples
 as job
insecure
Replace the word
insecurity
show examples
 compared with their peers. In summary, given the argument above, the disadvantages of charging for admission fee outweigh its advantages because of the low performance and unemployment.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Organization
Use clear paragraph topics and connect ideas with simple linking words.
Language
Fix grammar and use plain words to make meaning clear.
Content
Give direct reasons and tie them to the idea of entry cost and what happens.
Content
Add specific, easy examples and explain how they show your point.
Task response
The writer shows a clear view on the question.
Content
There are some real reasons given about money use.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Admission fee
  • Revenue stream
  • Maintenance
  • Overcrowding
  • Commercialization
  • Cultural heritage
  • Diverse attendance
  • Community ownership
  • Access to culture
  • Visitor experience
  • Exhibit quality
  • Cultural mission
  • Reliance on funding
  • Government subsidies
  • Cultural accessibility
What to do next:
Look at other essays: