IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people believe that the government should invest more in the arts to enhance cultural development. Others argue that government funding should be spent on more essential areas such as healthcare and education. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

Some people argue that the
government
Use synonyms
 should allocate more budget
on
Change preposition
to
show examples
 the
arts
Use synonyms
 to enhance cultural
development
Punctuation problem
development,
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while
Linking Words
 others claim that the
government
Use synonyms
 should spend more on essential areas. I firmly believe that the
arts
Use synonyms
 can
take
Verb problem
play
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 an important role
to develop
Change preposition
in developing
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 a
nation
Punctuation problem
nation,
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 even though funding
on
Change preposition
for
show examples
 healthcare and education
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
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curucial
Correct your spelling
crucial
.
First,
Linking Words
the
arts
Use synonyms
such
Linking Words
 as paintings, music, and dance are enable to enhance
people
Punctuation problem
people,
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 especially children's
sense
Punctuation problem
, sense
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 of
authenticy
Correct your spelling
authenticity
, their
creativities
Check wording
creativity
show examples
, and develop their critical thinking skills. If the
government
Use synonyms
 invests
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 the
arts
Use synonyms
, children are able to have more opportunities to experience the
arts
Use synonyms
 at schools and that can contribute to
stimulate
Wrong verb form
stimulating
show examples
 their
creativities
Check wording
creativity
show examples
.
Second,
Linking Words
Cultural development can eventually contribute to
the
Correct article usage
apply
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tourism and expect to have more tourists from
out side of
Use the right word
outside
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 the country.
As a result
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,
It
Fix capitalization
it
show examples
 can lead to
a economically
Replace the word
economic
show examples
 success. In
a
Correct article usage
the
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 long term, cultural development can be used as an official cultural exchange with other nations;
therefore
Linking Words
, it can be effective to have a better relationship with other
country
Fix the agreement mistake
countries
show examples
.
For example
Linking Words
, in recent years, K-POP
is
Wrong verb form
has been
show examples
 very popular among young generations
and
Punctuation problem
, and
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 some singers are recognised as if they are the representatives of Korea, and they contribute to
have
Wrong verb form
having
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 a good relationship with
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
other countries.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, it is
also
Linking Words
 true that there are more essential areas
Linking Words
such
Punctuation problem
, such
show examples
 as medical and
education
Punctuation problem
education,
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 that the
government
Use synonyms
 needs to focus on. I believe that they are necessary;
however
Linking Words
, these areas have
been always
Correct word order
always been
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 the priorities when allocating the budget, and the
arts
Use synonyms
 have been regarded
less
Change preposition
as less
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 important. In conclusion,
although
Linking Words
 it is vital to spend money on
medicare
Fix capitalization
Medicare
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 and education, I assume that funding
on
Change preposition
for
show examples
 the
arts
Use synonyms
 can play a pivotal role in order to enhance children's
creativities
Check wording
creativity
show examples
 and teach them critical thinking skills. Budget on the
arts
Use synonyms
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
 enable to develop cultural awareness and in
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 long term, it is expected to contribute to
create
Wrong verb form
creating
show examples
 a good connection with other countries.

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grammar
Fix many word errors and miss spellings to make the sense clear.
task management
Make your main point clear in the first part and stay with this view in the essay.
coherence
Use simple links like 'and', 'but', 'also' to tie ideas with a smooth flow.
content
Give more short and true examples that stay on the topic.
content
You show there can be a good part for the arts in a nation.
structure
You tell both sides and say your own view.
example
The use of K-POP as an example shows a real link to culture.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • government
  • invest
  • arts
  • cultural
  • development
  • funding
  • essential
  • healthcare
  • education
  • jobs
  • economy
  • tourism
  • businesses
  • creativity
  • society
  • skills
  • knowledge
  • life
  • well-being
  • prioritize
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