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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The pie charts below give data on the spending and consumption of resources by countries of the world and how the population is distributed.

The pie charts below give data on the spending and consumption of resources by countries of the world and how the population is distributed.
The pie charts provide information about the spending and consumption of resources in
countries
Use synonyms
 around the world and how distributed by the population. The units are measured by
percentages
Use synonyms
.
Overall
Linking Words
, it is clear from the graph that spending on others has the highest proportion of the
world
Check wording
world's
show examples
 spending,
while
Linking Words
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
clothing
show
Correct subject-verb agreement
shows
show examples
 the lowest
Use synonyms
percentages
Fix the agreement mistake
percentage
show examples
 of
totally
Replace the word
total
show examples
by
Check wording
spending by
show examples
American
Replace the word
Americans
show examples
people
Check wording
apply
show examples
.
In contrast
Linking Words
, the food and transport have a nearly
amount
Correct word choice
equal amount
show examples
 of
individuals
Check wording
individuals'
show examples
 expenses throughout the world,
whereas
Linking Words
 people who
are
Verb problem
apply
show examples
pay for their housing recorded 12%.
According to
Linking Words
 what is shown, the significant figures of population in Asia by 57% of
entire
Correct article usage
the entire
show examples
 number, unlike the other
countries
Use synonyms
 have a
tinny
Use the right word
tiny
show examples
 fraction.
In addition
Linking Words
, the USA, Europe and Africa represent
as
Change preposition
apply
show examples
a
Linking Words
similarly
Replace the word
similar
show examples
Use synonyms
percentages
Fix the agreement mistake
percentage
show examples
 of population
by
Change preposition
at
show examples
 38%
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
all
Correct determiner usage
apply
show examples
. In terms of consumption of resources,
USA
Correct article usage
the USA
show examples
 and
Europe
Use the right word
European
show examples
countries
Use synonyms
 have substantial
percentages
Use synonyms
by
Change preposition
of
show examples
 60%.
While
Linking Words
 the rest
countries
Use synonyms
 have around 40% of
Correct article usage
the resources
show examples
resources
Fix the agreement mistake
resource
show examples
 intake.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
▼
Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 73%.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words countries, percentages with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentages" was used 4 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 2 times.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • pie charts
  • data
  • spending habits
  • consumption
  • resources
  • population distribution
  • comparison
  • patterns
  • developed countries
  • developing countries
  • implications
  • disparities
  • environmental consequences
  • social impacts
  • sustainability
  • economic development
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