IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Some people think parents should focus on children’s physical health, and helping them with mental health is unnecessary. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

It is widely believed that some individuals suppose mom and dad should concentrate on their
children
Use synonyms
's
physiological
Correct word choice
physical
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health
Use synonyms
, and ignore
an
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
the important role of mental
well- being
Use the right word
well-being
show examples
. Personally, I can neither completely agree nor disagree with
this
Linking Words
 statement for a variety of reasons. I partly agree that training physical
health
Use synonyms
 brings many benefits for
children
Use synonyms
. The main reason is that
Use synonyms
focus
Replace the word
focusing
show examples
 on physique helps build up muscles, improves their stamina and increases metabolism.
This
Linking Words
 means that focusing on physical condition can help prevent pathogens and enhance strength.
Children
Use synonyms
's fitness can be improved with
simple
Correct article usage
a simple
show examples
 method
,
Punctuation problem
;
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 in fact, many scientists report that doing fitness routines can prevent the body from diseases
such
Linking Words
 as obesity, cardiovascular
pathology
Check wording
disease
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, and lower heart attack risk.
For example
Linking Words
, the easiest way to stay fit is jogging. During
this
Linking Words
 practice, our body burns
fats
Fix the agreement mistake
fat
show examples
 to provide enough energy for movement.
Therefore
Linking Words
, jogging makes the percentage of body fat lower and reduces obesity risk.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, I disagree with the viewpoint that parents should not only pay attention to physical
well- being
Use the right word
well-being
show examples
 but
also
Linking Words
focus
Use synonyms
 on mental
health
Use synonyms
.
This
Linking Words
 is because
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
children
Use synonyms
 with good psychological
health
Use synonyms
 can concentrate on the lesson better than
children
Use synonyms
 with poor mental
condition
Check wording
health
show examples
. In fact, the quality of sleep has improved in
children
Use synonyms
 with positive physiological
condition
Fix the agreement mistake
conditions
show examples
. A particularly good example here is Professor Ali Asani from Harvard University, who has
made
Verb problem
conducted
show examples
 the newest research on psychiatric and. He concluded that mental
health
Use synonyms
 is necessary because positive thinking helps reduce the concentration of cortisol, which is known as a stress hormone.
As a result
Linking Words
,
children
Use synonyms
 will have better performance at school if they have good mental
health
Use synonyms
. In conclusion,
although
Linking Words
 many parents
focus
Use synonyms
 on
children
Use synonyms
's physical training and ignore mental
health
Use synonyms
, I'm convinced that both mental
well- being
Use the right word
well-being
show examples
 and physiological
well- being
Use the right word
well-being
show examples
 are
importantSome
Correct your spelling
important
 people think parents should
focus
Use synonyms
 on
children
Use synonyms
’s physical
health
Use synonyms
, and helping them with mental
health
Use synonyms
 is unnecessary. To what extent do you agree or disagree? for
children
Use synonyms
's development.

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task response
Say a clear view in the first line and stay with it through the essay.
coherence
Make one idea in a paragraph with a short line that tells what it is about, then add a small fact or example.
coherence
Link your parts with easy words like also, but, for example, and use a good end that repeats your view.
content
Choose facts that are true and easy to prove. Do not rely on unknown ideas.
language
Check grammar and spelling. Use small, short sentences.
content
The essay talks about both sides of the topic.
content
It tries to give example in support of points.
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