IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Governments should ban dangerous sports. Others think that people should have the freedom to do any sport activity. Discuss both side and give your opinion

It is often claimed that risky
sports
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 should be banned by states,
while
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 others argue that
sports
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 activities should be available to all
individuals
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 as a matter of freedom of choice.
This
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 essay will discuss both perspectives before explaining why I believe that the influence of risky
sports
Use synonyms
 is more harmful.  On the one hand, one compelling argument in favour of government is that it has the ability to act as a powerful deterrent against harmful athletic exercises.
In particular
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, when
individuals
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 are aware that practising dangerous exercises will result in losing their wellness , they are less likely to engage in unsafe
sports
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 activities.
Moreover
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, the ruling body ensures the protection of athletes by banning dangerous movements that pose a threat to the safety of games.
For example
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, if gamers are not allowed to perform dangerous activities, professional players are shielded from
further
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 harm.
Nevertheless
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, if the authorities’ conditions fail to offer rehabilitation or space for
individuals
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 to practice their passion for
sports
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, even if it is dangerous, there is a high chance that players will engage in unlawful
sports
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, especially if they are not given the opportunity to pursue their favourite hobbies.
On the other hand
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, it is true that many
individuals
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 have the right to choose their own decisions, even if they are dangerous.
Furthermore
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, a lot of people have a passion for playing rare and challenging games.
For instance
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, the Olympic Games are held every four years and include special events for dangerous
sports
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.
However
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,
although
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 some argue that these forms of
sports
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 exercises lack enjoyment and usefulness, they remain impactful and fulfilling for many. In conclusion,
although
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 there are several ways to play
sports
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, I firmly believe that safe
sports
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 play a far more vital role in practising
sports
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 and enhancing physical health.

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structure
Plan your write. Make a simple map with the idea, point, example, and link to your view.
cohesion
Link ideas with small words so they flow. Use and, but, so to show how pairs of ideas are tied.
content
Give clear and close examples. Use real facts or clear cases that fit your point.
vocabulary
Use easy words. Check wrong word use that could swap the meaning.
clarity
Keep short and clear sentences. This helps the reader see the point.
structure
Two sides are clear in the opening and the end shows your view.
coherence
The 'On the one hand' and 'On the other hand' parts help show both sides.
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