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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The pie charts show the results of a survey conducted by a university on the opinions of full-time and part-time students about its services.

The pie charts show the results of a survey conducted by a university on the opinions of full-time and part-time students about its services.
The pie graphs illustrate the research about how full-time and part-time
students
Use synonyms
 feel about IT services and the time of current opening hours.
Overall
Linking Words
,
it is clear that
Linking Words
 all of them have a good emotion, which is the highest result with opening hours,
while
Linking Words
 the help from staff in the IT shop
is observed
Verb problem
shows
show examples
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 significant difference between full-time and part-time
students
Use synonyms
. Regarding the IT support, the percentage of very happy
feeling
Fix the agreement mistake
feelings
show examples
 with full-time
students
Use synonyms
 accounting for 54% with the highest sector.
Although
Linking Words
 15% and around one-third of not
good
Verb problem
feel good
show examples
feeling
Check wording
apply
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and
quite
Verb problem
are quite
show examples
 happy from full-time
students
Use synonyms
 respectively.
In contrast
Linking Words
, only 20% of good emotions
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
 witnessed the least
to
Change preposition
in
show examples
 the entire sector
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
 the percentage of quite happy
just
Rephrase
apply
show examples
make
Correct subject-verb agreement
makes
show examples
 up 35%. Around one half of
emotion
Correct article usage
the emotion
show examples
 sector
is
Verb problem
does
show examples
 not feel good, so
this
Linking Words
 service should be improved. In terms of opening hours,
all
Correct word order
almost all students
show examples
students
Use synonyms
 almost
feel
Verb problem
are
show examples
 very happy with 87% and 72% from full-time and part-time
students
Use synonyms
 respectively. The percentage of part-time
student’s
Check wording
students’
show examples
 emotions is quite happy at 23% higher than full-time
students
Use synonyms
 at 12%.
Linking Words
Moreover
Add a comma
Moreover,
show examples
 the low emotions of two types of
students
Use synonyms
 are
lowest
Correct article usage
the lowest
show examples
 sectors with only 1% and 5%.

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Vocabulary: Replace the words students with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "undefined" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 2 times.
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