IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Many students do part-time work while they are studying. Do the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages?

Nowadays, education and
work
Use synonyms
 are essential to children
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
 it has
impact
Correct article usage
an impact
show examples
to
Change preposition
on
show examples
career
Correct pronoun usage
their career
show examples
 in the future
,
Punctuation problem
. For
show examples
for
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
 reason, many
people
Use synonyms
 are deeply concentrated
to
Change preposition
on
show examples
 studying
,
Punctuation problem
;
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also
Linking Words
Punctuation problem
,
show examples
the high quality of schooling
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
 essential for children’s future.
Therefore
Linking Words
, young
people
Use synonyms
 need to revenue fund
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
them
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
to enhance education. In
this
Linking Words
 case, some parents can support their kids for studying and living costs, some
teenager
Fix the agreement mistake
teenagers
show examples
 might need to
work
Use synonyms
for earning
Change preposition
to earn
show examples
salary
Correct article usage
a salary
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during
Change preposition
while
show examples
 studying.
According to
Linking Words
 the
situations
Fix the agreement mistake
situation
show examples
, if
students
Use synonyms
 do part-time
work
Use synonyms
 would be
benefits
Replace the word
beneficial
show examples
 for them.
For instance
Linking Words
, young
people
Use synonyms
 will learn to arrange
the
Correct pronoun usage
their
show examples
 life schedules and balance their
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
 for
work
Use synonyms
 and study.
In
Change preposition
On
show examples
other
Correct article usage
the other
show examples
hands
Fix the agreement mistake
hand
show examples
,
students
Use synonyms
 will notice the
work
Use synonyms
 environment beforehand, which they will
reserves
Wrong verb form
reserve
show examples
work
Use synonyms
 experience and understand how to
adapted
Wrong verb form
adapt
show examples
 to
co-worker
Fix the agreement mistake
co-workers
show examples
.
Linking Words
Moreover
Add a comma
Moreover,
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 several skills have
developed
Verb problem
been developed
show examples
 by
leaning
Use the right word
learning
show examples
 from real
situation
Fix the agreement mistake
situations
show examples
,
they
Correct word choice
and they
show examples
 will learn to solve
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
problem
Fix the agreement mistake
problems
show examples
 by themselves. Despite student do temporary
work
Use synonyms
 are advantage, some young
people
Use synonyms
 are unable to manage their life, they could not graduate from institution because of
work
Use synonyms
 and study it heavily for them, Government should encouraged teenage
people
Use synonyms
 for financial in part of the costs,
such
Linking Words
 as government has study fund and setting up the rules for
students
Use synonyms
 who have to
work
Use synonyms
 that they are able to
work
Use synonyms
 in limited hour. From the example
given
Punctuation problem
given,
show examples
 I firmly believe that
students
Use synonyms
 can enhance their
knowledges
Fix the agreement mistake
knowledge
show examples
 and experiences by studying and
Use synonyms
work
Wrong verb form
working
show examples
, they are able to connect to society
as well as
Linking Words
adult
Fix the agreement mistake
adults
show examples
 in the future.

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strategy
Your mix of ideas shows you think about both sides. To get a higher mark, use a clear plan and give one strong idea in each paragraph with a short, specific example.
structure
Make a clear opening line that state your view. End with a short restate of your view in the last line.
style
Each paragraph should stick to one main idea. Start with a topic sentence and use simple link words to move to the next idea.
grammar
Check your word use and small grammar errors. Use common words and short forms to avoid wrong phrases.
cohesion
Link words help a lot. Use words like 'first', 'also', 'but', 'however', 'so', 'for example' to guide the reader.
content
You show there are good points about work help to plan life and gain work sense.
content
You end with a view that studying and work can help a student join society later.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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