IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Families who send their children to private schools should not be required to pay taxes that support the state education system. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

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Introduction
Nowadays, many parents send their children to private schools and argue with the idea of paying taxes to help and contribute to the state education system. I strongly disagree with the idea that every parent should not pay a contribution; every family should give financial help to ensure a good and exclusive learning experience for the future of their kids.
Body paragraph 1
Many families work their entire life to ensure financial stability and provide the best way of learning and leisure for their children. So,
for example
Linking Words
, in France, the government implemented some renovations for all the classrooms so they can be cleaner, bigger, and new accommodations, but
also
Linking Words
 to use new materials, new books for every subject.
Furthermore
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, it is essential to help the system to ameliorate some infrastructures. In my opinion, every family should pay for the education of their kids
Body paragraph 2
It is clear that
Linking Words
 it is crucial to contribute in some ways, because with some collaborations, young adults help to organise some activities, special events, doing volunteer work in some schools.
For instance
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, in Madrid, most of the schools in the south of the city do not receive money or help from the households , so it is complicated for them.
In addition
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, the government does not help most of the infrastructure either, compared to other regions that have financial support .
Conclusion
To conclude
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, it is true that many people argue with the contributions regarding education. In my opinion, it is important for every young student to have access to good facilities.
Moreover
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, taxes are essential to have good materials to study in good conditions and beyond.
That is
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 why I utterly disagree with the statement.

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Task response
Your view is clear: you disagree. However, explain the main reason more fully: taxes pay for schools that all children may need, not only the children of families who use state schools.
Task response
Keep your ideas close to the question. The point about young adults doing volunteer work does not clearly show why parents at private schools should still pay tax. Replace it with a direct reason.
Task response
Develop each main point with a simple chain: state your reason, explain how it works, and give one clear example. For example, tax can pay for teachers, books, and safe school buildings for children from poor homes.
Task response
Be careful with claims about France and Madrid. They need clear details, or they can sound unsupported. A general example may be safer if you cannot explain the facts.
Coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear introduction, two body parts, and a conclusion. Make the first body paragraph focus on one reason only, and make the second paragraph give a different reason.
Coherence and cohesion
Some links between ideas are unclear. For example, the move from tax to volunteer work is sudden. Start each paragraph with a sentence that directly connects to your main view.
Coherence and cohesion
Use simple linking words with care: 'First', 'Also', 'For example', 'As a result', and 'Therefore'. Do not use 'Furthermore' or 'In addition' unless the next idea truly adds to the last one.
Coherence and cohesion
Avoid repeating the same idea about good learning, materials, and buildings. Give each paragraph its own clear job: one about equal chances for all children, and one about the shared need for a strong state school system.
Task response
You give a clear opinion from the start and keep the same view in the conclusion.
Task response
You try to support your opinion with examples about school buildings, books, and help for schools with less money.
Coherence and cohesion
The essay follows a clear overall order: introduction, main points, and conclusion.
Coherence and cohesion
You use some helpful link words, such as 'For example', 'Furthermore', and 'To conclude'.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • tax exemption
  • public education
  • private schools
  • collective responsibility
  • societal welfare
  • equitable access
  • financial burden
  • social cohesion
  • tax credits
  • vouchers
  • subsidies
  • state-funded
  • socioeconomic disparities
  • public vs. private sector
  • quality of education
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