Many students do part-time work while they are studying. Do the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages?

Nowadays, a number of students prefer having a side job
while
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studying.
While
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this
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trend may present several drawbacks, I believe the advantages it brings far outweigh the disadvantages. On the one hand, working
while
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studying can affect a person's attention to
life
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matters.
This
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is because it takes
their
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up their
show examples
time
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by letting their main focus be on working and doing the job right.
In addition
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, it can
make
Verb problem
keep
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them busy in there rather than learning and doing their homework.
For example
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, when doing a late-night shift, by the
time
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they finish, it is going to be morning, which is usually a class
time
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for many learners, and the person will already be exhausted.
Therefore
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, it will affect their power to produce good work in their university, leading them to fail the year.
On the other hand
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, it can have a huge effect on the person's
life
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. The reason for
this
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is that by working, the salary they get can really help them live their
life
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effectively, by being financially stable.
For instance
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, they will have the money the secure normal daily goods and studying materials, and
also
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live a decent
life
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while
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studying, which may be one of the crucial things in getting high grades.
In addition
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, if they have no money, they will be left in a thinking loop of how to secure the things they need to complete their studying and live their
life
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normally. In conclusion,
while
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working and studying at the same
time
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may have some effects. It is my firm belief that the advantages of
this
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are more important for a student's
life
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, helping them secure their future in the right way.

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structure
Plan in a clear order: intro, a paragraph on the disadvantages, a paragraph on the advantages, and a short conclusion.
argument
Add clear reasons for each point and link them to the big claim that advantages outweigh the disadvantages.
examples
Use simple, exact examples from student life and explain how they show the point.
language
Check grammar and word choice. Use small, clear phrases; avoid long, strange phrases.
content
The writer takes a clear view and keeps it through the essay.
coherence
There is a good use of sign words like On the one hand and On the other hand.
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