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Writing Samples
Band 5

Writing Samples / Band 4.5 Around the world, rural people are moving to cities and urban areas, so populations in the countryside are decreasing. Is this a positive or negative development?

A growing number of countryside inhabitants, in
this
Linking Words
 century, have started to settle in urban communities. Indeed, they are pursuing to enhance their living conditions by guaranteeing better education and healthcare for their youngsters. From my standpoint,
this
Linking Words
 is a major drawback as national economies depend significantly on the rural productive workforce.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, a common opinion in villages
Linking Words
that is
Correct word order
is that
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 cities are a dreamland where
the
Correct article usage
apply
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convenient life is found. The shortage in schooling and the scarcity of clinical staff push numerous households to abandon their communities. In fact, they look for an urban or a suburban region where services are fairly distributed.
This
Linking Words
 issue is widely noticed in developing countries.
For example
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, in
India
Add a comma
India,
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 most families are involved in inland migration from remote areas to
metropolitants
Correct your spelling
metropolises
such
Linking Words
 as Bangalore to improve the educational attainment of their children.
Nevertheless
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, the national economy is the prime loser in
this
Linking Words
 situation. The lack of labour caused by
this
Linking Words
 movement results in a huge decrease in nutritional production.
As a result
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, governments start importing agricultural products from overseas, and that imposes additional burdens on the treasury.
For instance
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, in Sudan, the increase in
city's
Correct article usage
the city's
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 population led to a remarkable descend in cultivated areas of beans, the staple food in Sudan
,
Punctuation problem
;
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consequently
Linking Words
, the country lived in
nutritional
Correct article usage
a nutritional
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 crisis for several years. Youths of rural areas are the driving force for the total income,
hence
Linking Words
 the well-being of the nation.
To conclude
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, rural families generally move to cities searching for welfare and leaving behind a huge gap to be filled by officials. A possible solution is to distribute public services equally to satisfy all citizens.

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Task Response
Band 5. You have a clear view, but you need stronger links and more clear ideas. Start with a short line that states your view. Then give 2 or 3 main reasons and finish with a simple conclusion.
Coherence
Coherence: Put each new idea in its own paragraph. Start each paragraph with a clear topic sentence. Use linking words to show how ideas are linked.
Idea
The essay shows a clear view that moving to towns is not good for the country.
Evidence
There are examples from other places like India and Sudan.
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