IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

These days many young people are spending less time doing outdoor activities such as hiking, mountain climbing, and enjoying nature. What are the reasons for this? How can we encourage them to do more of these activities?

#people #time #activities #mountain #nature
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Nowadays, some young people are not doing outdoor
activities
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 as in the past
such
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 as hiking, mountain climbing and enjoying landscapes.
This
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 essay will discuss how we can help youths spend more time outside the home by making awareness campaigns to persuade them and find solutions for financial burdens. From my perspective, there are an enormous number of reasons, but the 2 main causes are lack of understanding and it needs to be raised,
besides
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, plenty of the
activities
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 require a large amount of money which is a burden for most of the teenagers and young individuals.
For instance
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, I and my friends always thinking of renting a boat and going fishing and learning new hobbies.
however
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, finance becomes an obstacle for us. Encouraging young people can be done by forming a large group
that is
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 hosted by a trip company to make it more organized, and full of passion and everyone motivates others which can lead to low-paid
activities
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 and increase awareness of the importance of outdoor
activities
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. To illustrate, if there are trips held by a company that makes deals, offers and bundles to do journeys, many groups will join them owing to the low prices and the motivation there.
To sum up
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, young people usually do not have any interest in
activities
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due to
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 their ignorance of the importance of outdoor facilities.
In contrast
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, some of those individuals do have interests, but, do not have money to do
this
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.
On the contrary
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, a plethora of solutions are available.
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task achievement
Expand on the reasons why young people are spending less time outdoors by providing more examples. This will further illustrate your points and strengthen your argument.
coherence cohesion
Work on improving the transitions between paragraphs and ideas. This will help maintain the flow of the essay and make it easier for the reader to follow the argument.
coherence cohesion
The essay presents a clear introduction and conclusion, which provides a good framework for the discussion.
task achievement
You provide specific examples, such as renting a boat with friends, which helps to illustrate the points being made.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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