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Writing Samples
Band 6

some people believe that it is best to accept a bad situation, such as an unsatisfactory job or shortage of money. Others argue taht it is better to try and improve such situations. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion

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Some
people
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 argue that individuals should accept a bad
situation
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 without trying to change it,
for example
Linking Words
, a disappointing job or not being able to pay one's bills.
In contrast
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, some believe it is better to try
and
Correct word choice
to
show examples
 fix the
situation
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 that they are in. On one hand, accepting a difficult
situation
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 can reduce anxiety when there is no other option,
such
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 as during an economic crisis
,
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apply
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 or in cases involving workplace discrimination, both of which are outside a person's control. Some
people
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 need to keep an unsatisfactory job because they have children,
caring
Verb problem
are caring
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 for elderly parents, or
other
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have other
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 financial responsibilities.
Moreover
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, being patient can help
people
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 avoid risky decisions,
such
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 as quitting a job without another source of income.
On the other hand
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, accepting poor conditions for too long may damage their self-esteem, health, and future career prospects, as they may feel stuck or undervalued over time. Trying to improve a
situation
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 can involve gaining new skills, looking for a better work environment, or creating a careful budget.
People
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 who take action often have more control over their lives, better self-esteem, and find better opportunities. In my opinion,
people
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 should not accept a bad
situation
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 because it can affect their health and other responsibilities. In conclusion, change should be gradual and well planned rather than an impulsive decision that creates more problems
,
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. For
show examples
for instance
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, someone who develops new skills or improves their circumstances is often better positioned for future success,
although
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 in some cases,
people
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 may have no choice but to wait for circumstances to improve.

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task response
Make your own view more full. You say people should not accept a bad situation, but also say some people have no choice but to wait. State more clearly when people should act and when they should wait.
task response
Give one more real and full example. For example, explain how a person can keep a bad job while taking a course at night and then look for a new job.
task response
Some ideas need a little more support. For workplace unfairness, explain why a person may need to stay for a short time and what safe steps they can take.
coherence and cohesion
Use a clear topic sentence at the start of each main paragraph. This will make the first view and the second view even easier to see.
coherence and cohesion
The last sentence is long and has many ideas. Split it into two shorter sentences so the main point is easier to read.
coherence and cohesion
Keep the same words for the main idea. You use “accept”, “wait”, “change”, “fix”, and “improve”. This is not wrong, but using “accept” and “improve” more often will make the links clearer.
task response
You discuss both views and give your own view clearly. Your main idea is that people should try to make things better, but they should do this with care.
task response
Your examples are on topic, such as an economic crisis, family needs, job loss, new skills, and a budget.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a clear path: an opening, one paragraph for each view, your view, and a closing.
coherence and cohesion
Words such as “On one hand”, “On the other hand”, “Moreover”, and “In conclusion” help the reader follow your ideas.
Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • unsatisfactory job
  • financial hardship
  • limited opportunities
  • job security
  • financial responsibilities
  • economic downturn
  • make ends meet
  • accept the reality
  • cope with pressure
  • take practical action
  • improve career prospects
  • develop new skills
  • seek better opportunities
  • create a realistic budget
  • long-term consequences
  • take control of one's life
  • carefully planned change
  • impulsive decision
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