IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Crimes and other kinds of information on TV and newspaper have bad consequences. This kind of information should be restricted to be shown in the media. To what extent do you agree or disagree with the statement.

Although
Linking Words
 many individuals think that demonstrating
information
Use synonyms
 about violence and
crimes
Use synonyms
 is detrimental and should be outlawed, I concur that showing
these
Fix the agreement mistake
this
show examples
news
Use synonyms
 on media platforms is beneficial and should be encouraged. At the outset, proclaiming
news
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 about crime and violent actions can raise awareness among people. Many individuals do not have
background
Correct article usage
a background
show examples
 about the prevalence of
crimes
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 in their
society
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, and showing
this
Linking Words
 kind of
information
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 is paramount for those
humans
Check wording
individuals
show examples
, so they can protect themselves. To give an illustration, if people have enough knowledge about
crimes
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 in a
specefic
Correct your spelling
specific
 area, they can avoid living in that region, which can protect them from being subjected to a violent action. The more knowledge
the persons
Check wording
people
show examples
 have about
crimes
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, the greater the chance they can avoid
it
Correct pronoun usage
them
show examples
.
Moreover
Linking Words
, showing
information
Use synonyms
 about
crimes
Use synonyms
 can serve as a deterrent for persons who want to break the law. When human beings watch
news
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 about
crimes
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 and how officials react to those actions,
this
Linking Words
 can deter humans from
commiting
Correct your spelling
committing
 any erroneous acts. Making
news
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 about
crimes
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 unavailable can engender
ones
Fix the agreement mistake
one
show examples
 to commit
crimes
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, so
society
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 needs to know
information
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 about
this
Linking Words
 subject.
For example
Linking Words
, if a criminal saw how
police
Correct article usage
the police
show examples
punishes
Correct subject-verb agreement
punish
show examples
 anyone
commiting
Correct your spelling
committing
 a crime, he might stop
doing
Verb problem
committing
show examples
 criminal acts.
Linking Words
thus
Fix capitalization
Thus
show examples
,
society
Use synonyms
 needs to demonstrate and share
information
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 about
crimes
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 in their
reigions
Correct your spelling
regions
, and show how the government tackles
this
Linking Words
 issue.
To conclude
Linking Words
, even though many
persons
Check wording
people
show examples
 believe that officials should ban
news
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 about
crimes
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 on different media platforms, I completely think that individuals should be aware of
crimes
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 and violent actions in their
society
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.

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task response
Task response: Your view is clear, but give more strong reasons and real, direct examples to back your view. Some ideas are weak or only hinted.
coherence
Coherence and cohesion: Start each paragraph with a clear topic sentence. Use simple linking words to move ideas, and fix run-on sentences. Check spelling to not blur meaning.
task response
Clear position on the issue.
coherence
Some good ideas about awareness and deterrence.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • psychological impact
  • anxiety
  • fear
  • desensitization
  • sense of insecurity
  • sensationalize
  • viewership
  • readership
  • moral panic
  • unrealistic fear
  • copycat crimes
  • glorify
  • public awareness
  • community involvement
  • accountability
  • transparency
  • restriction
  • freedom of the press
  • democratic principle
  • well-informed citizens
What to do next:
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