IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 2.5

It is quite common for both parents in a family to work. Sometimes this is because they need two salaries to survive whereas other times it is their choice. What are the problems you see in this situation? How does this affect the children and the family life? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant example from your own knowledge or experience.

Nowadays, there are some families
that
Correct word choice
where
show examples
both
Use synonyms
parents
Use synonyms
 are working because of their need for money or
due to
Linking Words
 their own preferences. There might be some disadvantages and advantages, now I want to write about these sides and
at the end
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 I try to summarise them. The advantage of working
Use synonyms
both
Change preposition
for both
show examples
parents
Use synonyms
 in
family
Correct article usage
a family
show examples
, there will be a strong financial
independancy
Correct your spelling
independence
 in
family
Correct article usage
the family
show examples
 because there will be two salaries. It means family members can spend more money
both
Use synonyms
for
Change preposition
on
show examples
 their personal needs and family expenses.
According to
Linking Words
 one of the global analysis
Fix the agreement mistake
companies
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company
Add a comma
company,
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 there is a financial difference between families
that
Correct word choice
where
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both
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parents
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 are working and
another kind
Fix the agreement mistake
other kinds
show examples
 of families
that
Correct word choice
where
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 neither mother
or
Correct word choice
nor
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 father is working.
Although
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 there are advantages, there are disadvantages too.
For instance
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,spending time with
children
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, because if
both
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parents
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 work during the whole day, they can't take care of their
children
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, they can't spend enough time with them. It leads them to fritter away each
others
Fix the agreement mistake
other
show examples
and
Punctuation problem
, and
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 it has a huge detriment for
children
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. In the future, it can be hard to find their role for
children
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 without their parent's advices. So, in
conclusion
Add a comma
conclusion,
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 we say that
both
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parents
Use synonyms
 shouldn't work
,
Punctuation problem
;
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 one of them should focus on looking after their
children
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but
Punctuation problem
, but
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 if there
will be
Wrong verb form
are
show examples
 financial
problems
Punctuation problem
problems,
show examples
 one of the
parents
Use synonyms
 should work
at
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
part time
Use the right word
part-time
show examples
job
Check wording
apply
show examples
.

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structure
Plan your essay before you write. Use a clear start, two parts for good and bad points, and a short end.
grammar
Write in short, simple sentences. Put only one idea in each sentence.
content
Give exact examples and facts, not vague ideas.
coherence
Join ideas with words like first, next, also, but, so to show how thoughts go from one to the next.
grammar
Check spelling and punctuation and keep verbs and tenses the same.
structure
You show two sides of the topic and a plan for the essay.
content
You try to give examples and show you know the task.
content
You keep the idea that money matters for a family.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • dual-income families
  • work-life balance
  • parent-child interaction
  • childcare services
  • financial stability
  • career-oriented parents
  • emotional development
  • social development
  • household responsibilities
  • parental supervision
  • academic performance
  • family cohesion
  • time management
  • pressure of modern living
  • outsourcing parenting
What to do next:
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