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Writing Samples
Band 4

In many countries, the number of animals and plants is decreasing. Why do you think it is happening. What can be done to address this issue?

It is true that various species of flora and fauna are becoming extinct. There are several possible reasons for
this
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but
Punctuation problem
, but
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 steps can definitely be taken to address
this
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 issue. The primary cause of a decrease in the variety of wildlife and vegetation can be deforestation. As the human population increases, the need for land for them
also
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 experiences a respective growth.
Therefore
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, people cut down forests to construct apartments to live
.
Change preposition
in.
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This
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 ,in turn, leads living creatures of the forest to lose their habitat
and
Punctuation problem
, and
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 the land itself
also
Linking Words
 becomes unlivable for plants without the shade of pine trees.
Furthermore
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, poaching is
also
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 a concerning issue. Rare
animals
Use synonyms
 are usually slaughtered illegally for their bones and horns
which
Punctuation problem
, which
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 are highly valued in "the black market. Hunted by the poachers, in fact,
number
Correct article usage
the number
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 of species, including white
rihonos
Correct your spelling
rhinos
 and African elephants,
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
 now on the
blink
Use the right word
brink
show examples
 of extinction.
However
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, there are several ways to prevent
further
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 decline in the number of
animals
Use synonyms
 and plants. First of all,
role
Correct article usage
the role
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 of the design of housing is of paramount importance. To be more exact, were people to build their houses upwards rather than onwards, they would be able to save more space.
As a result
Linking Words
, there would be no demand for logging trees
on
Change preposition
in
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 the forest and plants would continue to flourish.
In addition
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, the introduction of wildlife reserves is pivotal.
Animals
Use synonyms
 can be moved to protect areas,
maing
Correct your spelling
making
 them safe from not only illegal hunters ,but
also
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 from their natural predators. A case in
this
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 point is
Africa
Punctuation problem
Africa,
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 in which
population
Correct article usage
the population
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 of white
rihinos
Correct your spelling
rhinos
was
Verb problem
has
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 grown significantly in the sanctuary. In conclusion,
while
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the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
deforestation and poaching are causing
animals
Use synonyms
 and vegetation to decrease in number, constructing
skyscarpers
Correct your spelling
skyscrapers
 and
sancturaies
Correct your spelling
sanctuaries
 can be key solutions to
this
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 concern

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language
Fix spelling and grammar to make the text easy to read. The essay has many small mistakes that slow the read.
structure
Plan the work: write an intro then 2 or 3 body ideas, then a short ending.
vocabulary
Use simple, clear words. Some long or hard words are not needed.
content
Add clear facts or numbers to back up points, but keep the language simple.
cohesion
Use linking words to show how ideas go together: first, then, also, but, for example, in addition.
content
The essay shows a clear topic and a plan to discuss causes and ways to stop the loss.
content
It uses an example from Africa to show how a parks can help animals.
structure
There is a final part that tries to finish with a short conclusion.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • nature
  • plants
  • animals
  • life
  • home
  • land
  • forest
  • tree
  • plant
  • bird
  • fish
  • insect
  • wildlife
  • save
  • protect
  • care
  • pollution
  • clean
  • air
  • water
  • soil
  • waste
  • recycle
  • reuse
  • farm
  • town
  • road
  • park
  • protected
  • law
  • rule
  • money
  • help
  • grow
  • cut
  • build
  • save
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