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Writing Samples
Band 7.5

The map illustrates the devlopment of Youngsville in New Zealand over a quarter of a century period,starting from 1980;while the picture indicates differences between a cinema in 1980 and itself now.

The map illustrates changes over time in different categories.
Overall
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, it can be seen that the
advancement
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 of
Youngsville
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 in New
Zealand
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 increased noticeably,
while
Linking Words
 New
Zealand
Use synonyms
 , over a
quarter
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 of a
century
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period
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,starting from 1980, declined. Apart from these two, most other categories either remained stable or showed only minor variations. At the beginning of the
period
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, the
advancement
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 of
Youngsville
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 in New
Zealand
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 accounted for the largest part and continued to rise steadily throughout the years. It reached a clear peak by the end of the
period
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, showing its growing importance compared to the other categories.
This
Linking Words
 upward trend highlights the strong preference for the
advancement
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 of
Youngsville
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 in New
Zealand
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 over time.
By contrast
Linking Words
, New
Zealand
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 , over a
quarter
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 of a
century
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period
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,starting from 1980, started at a relatively high level but
then
Linking Words
 fell gradually. By the end of the
period
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, it represented only a small proportion compared to its initial value. Despite
this
Linking Words
 downward movement, New
Zealand
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 , over a
quarter
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 of a
century
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 ,starting from 1980, still played a role in the
overall
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 distribution.
Finally
Linking Words
,
while
Linking Words
 the
advancement
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 of
Youngsville
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 in New
Zealand
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 rose and New
Zealand
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 over a
quarter
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 of a
century
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period
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,starting from 1980, declined, the general pattern indicates significant changes in people’s choices and behaviour across the
period
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.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "overall, while".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words advancement, youngsville, zealand, quarter, century, period with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "illustrates" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "compared" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "changes" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "declined" was used 2 times.
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