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Writing Samples
Band 3.5

Some people believe that politicians have the greatest influences on the world, but other people believe that the scientist have the greatest influences. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

Some individuals are of
view
Correct article usage
the view
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,
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apply
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 that the
politicians
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 influence the
world
Use synonyms
 more than the
scientists
Use synonyms
,
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;
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however
Linking Words
, others debate against
this
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 point. In
this
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 essay, I will
disuss
Correct your spelling
discuss
 both the views, and will explicate my opinion on
this
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. First and foremost, some folks believe
,
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apply
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that
scientists
Use synonyms
 have more influence on the
world
Use synonyms
, as they make different inventions and innovations. With the development of technology and other
equipments
Correct your spelling
equipment
such
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 as cars, etc., they have made our lives
more
Fix the agreement mistake
apply
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easier.
For example
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, the introduction of mobile phones and other electronic items
,
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apply
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 has made it possible
,
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apply
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 to connect different parts of
Use synonyms
world
Correct article usage
the world
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 together. It has been the most important
cut to edge
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cutting-edge
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 discovery, and caused
revolution
Correct article usage
a revolution
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 in the modern
world
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, that completely changed the
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
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 of people.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, many believe that it is
politicians
Use synonyms
 who
effect
Use the right word
affect
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 the
world
Use synonyms
aggravately
Correct your spelling
adversely
, because
scientists
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 only make
discovery
Fix the agreement mistake
discoveries
show examples
, but
its
Use the right word
it is
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government's
Correct article usage
the government's
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 responsibility to introduce
it
Correct pronoun usage
them
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 to the common people. They can
also
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 prevent monopolisation of advanced skills, by making
certain
Correct article usage
a certain
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 set of laws, and imposing them on big companies.
For example
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, during
corona
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the coronavirus
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 pandemic,
scientist
Fix the agreement mistake
scientists
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 developed vaccines
,
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;
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however
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, it was the
politicians
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 who made it reach
to
Change preposition
apply
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the masses
,
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apply
show examples
 by making it compulsory for everyone to get vaccinated
,
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apply
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 and
also
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 making it affordable for everyone.
Therefore
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,
to conclude
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, I believe that both
scientists
Use synonyms
 and
politicians
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 have
huge
Correct article usage
a huge
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 impact on people
,
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;
show examples
however
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,
politicians
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 lead in that, because of the power they
withold
Correct your spelling
withhold
.

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grammar
Fix the grammar and end the long show of words with the right form. Use simple and short sentences.
task response
Make your view clear in the first part and keep the same view to the end of the essay.
coherence
Use linking words to show how ideas are tied, so the paragraph flow is easy to follow.
content
Give more real and clear examples that fit the point you make.
strength
The writer tries to show both sides and gives an own view.
strength
There are some good ideas and real examples like vaccines and phones.
Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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