IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

The rise of remote working has transformed the traditional workplace. Do the advantages of remote working outweigh the disadvantages?

The trend of telecommuting has steadily reshaped the traditional office environment.
While
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
 transformation provides numerous merits,
such
Linking Words
 as flexibility and freedom from geographical restrictions, it
also
Linking Words
 poses notable limitations. In my opinion,
although
Linking Words
 digital employment carries some drawbacks, its strengths clearly outweigh the weaknesses.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, technological progress has made virtual work both feasible and attractive. Many organisations now prefer recruiting individuals who can complete assignments from their residences.
This
Linking Words
 arrangement benefits both sides. For staff members, the primary gain is autonomy in managing their timetables.
For instance
Linking Words
, one of my acquaintances works only five hours daily yet maintains a healthy balance between career and personal life. For companies, remote arrangements minimise the need for costly physical infrastructure, thereby reducing operational expenditures.
Consequently
Linking Words
, both employers and employees enjoy a mutually advantageous outcome.
Nevertheless
Linking Words
, teleworking is not without shortcomings. From a managerial perspective, employees outside the workplace may sometimes display lower productivity compared to those in physical workplaces. Unlike structured office environments, domestic dwellings often foster distractions and irregular routines. A recent survey indicated that nearly 70 per cent of workers believed they were more efficient in a conventional office than in a home-based cabin or apartment.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, accountability may be weakened since supervisors cannot directly monitor tasks.
By contrast
Linking Words
, traditional offices foster discipline and professional behaviour that are difficult to replicate at a condominium or household setting. In conclusion, despite its limitations,
such
Linking Words
 as reduced efficiency and weaker accountability for some individuals, the merits of remote employment—including flexibility and cost-effectiveness—are more substantial.
Hence
Linking Words
, I strongly believe that the movement toward telecommuting is a positive development that will continue to expand with advancing technology.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

overall
Overall score: 7. The essay is good in idea and plan, but some parts need to be clearer and the words kept simple.
task
Task fit: say if the good side beat the bad side and show this clearly in the end.
coherence
Flow: put ideas in a clear order. Use linking words like first, then, also, but, finally.
lexical
Word choice: use simple common words. Some odd phrases (for example, cabin) should be avoided.
examples
Examples: tie each idea to one clear example and keep it simple.
strength
Clear view that remote work has both good and bad sides.
coherence strength
Idea and example are linked well.
structure strength
Ending repeats the view.
What to do next:
Look at other essays: