IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6

Some people believe that watching TV is bad for children while others claim it has a positive effects for children as they grow up . Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#people #tv #children #effects
Watching
television
 has become a popular choice for today's generation.
However
,it is an argued issue whether watching
TV
 has more fruitful outcomes or has a negative impact on juvenile growth.
Although
 it leads sedentary lifestyle , I believe it helps to improve cognitive ability. Commencing with the most prominent view of why looking at screens for a long
time
 has a negative impact on teenagers. Owning to children's meagre understanding, they usually like to spend more
time
 in front of
television
Add an article
the television
a television
show examples
 , which not only restricts them to involved in outdoor activities but
also
 desperate for studies as well.
Moreover
 , it leads to many health-related problems
due to
sedimentary
Correct article usage
a sedimentary
show examples
 lifestyle.
For example
, Harvard University revealed the data that excessive
TV
 watching defined as four to more hours daily is associated with a greater risk of developing brain-based disorders
such
 as dementia,depression and Parkinson's disease.
Therefore
, spending more hours
while
 looking at
Television
 leads to several disorders. Despite the given statement, I assert that bestowing preferences to watch
Television
 is a fruitful practice since it enhances their creativity and imagination, and exposure to different cultures and ideas.
Furthermore
, when kids are growing at that
time
 they have strong grasping power so
while
 watching
television
 they can grab the words more frequently than physically speaking.
For instance
, Pogo , a
TV
 channel portrays a show which describes creativity
such
 as how to paint with the use of clay and more stuff.
As a result
,
this
 show not only creates the interest but
also
 enhances the knowledge.
Additionally
,
instead
 of blindly spending
time
 on screen, parents can make their juveniles aware of the consequences of looking at the screen long
time
 .
Consequently
, they are less likely to encounter any difficulties in the future .
To conclude
, even though electronic possessions have become an imperative part of life , predicaments affixed to watching
TV
 cannot be surmounted unless there is meagre use of
this
 gadget.
Submitted by harjass308 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
Try to improve the overall structure of your essay. Paragraphs should have clear topic sentences and transition smoothly from one idea to the next. This will help in achieving better coherence and cohesion.
task achievement
Elaborate on your main points more comprehensively. Provide more detailed explanations and examples to support your ideas.
task achievement
The essay addresses both sides of the argument, giving a balanced view of the topic.
coherence cohesion
Clear introduction and conclusion that restate the key points effectively.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
Topic Vocabulary:
  • sedentary behavior
  • unrealistic perceptions
  • creative pursuits
  • social development
  • emotional development
  • constructive content
  • screen time
  • parental guidance
  • critical thinking
  • active learning
  • age-appropriate
  • media literacy
  • family bonding
  • moderation
  • perceive
What to do next:
Look at other essays: