IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Art is considered an important part of our society as well as an expression of its culture. Do you think it is important for children to be taught art? Do you think children should be encourged to focus on art rather than other subject.

It has been
osberved
Correct your spelling
observed
 that
art
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 is paramount for our society.
Although
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,
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apply
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art
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 is considered
an
Correct article usage
a
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 significant part of our community
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likewise
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, likewise
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reflection
Correct article usage
a reflection
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 of its customs. In my view, it is indeed important
to
Change preposition
for
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children
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 to learn
art
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, but they should not focus on it
on
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at
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expense
Correct article usage
the expense
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 of other
subjects
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. The foremost reason why
art
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 should be taught to
children
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 is
it
Correct word choice
that it
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increase
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increases
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 their creativity level.
Art
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 helps
youngster
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youngsters
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 to use
of
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apply
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their imagination and explore
plethora
Correct article usage
a plethora
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 of ways to describe their knowledge and dreams.
For instance
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, music can help
children
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 to express their
feeling
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feelings
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 that
not
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are not
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 possible to express
while
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 communicating.
Moreover
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, learning
art
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 is beneficial for
individauls
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individuals
 as they get more deep knowledge about their culture and tradition. It will
assit
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assist
 them to connect with their roots.
However
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,
art
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 is paramount
but
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, but
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 it cannot be possible to
repalce
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replace
 with academic
subjects
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.
Children
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 should need a balanced education with maths, science , biology for their career and
real life
Use the right word
real-life
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challanges
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challenges
.
For instance
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, student who are spending their most of
the
Correct pronoun usage
their
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 time on arts rather than
his
Correct pronoun usage
their
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 studies will get
less
Fix the agreement mistake
fewer
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 opportunities in
todays
Check wording
today's
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 competitive era.
Instead
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 of
priortizing
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prioritising
art
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 over other
subjects
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,
school
Correct article usage
the school
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 will add some classes for
art
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 with academic
subjects
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 so students can enjoy and learn both of these. In conclusion, teaching
art
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 is
also
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 important for our
society
Check wording
society's
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 well-being and for
preserve
Wrong verb form
preserving
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 our culture.
Nevertheless
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,
i
Fix capitalization
I
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 do not believe
chidlren
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children
do
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apply
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more focus
Correct word order
focus more
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 on arts rather than learning other
currculiam
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curriculum
subjects
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.
Balanced
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A balanced
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 approach can be used to determine both of them.

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grammar
Fix big spelling and grammar errors to make the text clear.
lexical
Use easy and exact words. Keep to simple ideas and short lines.
structure
Make a stronger opening and closing. Use a clear topic sentence for each paragraph.
content
Add more real examples and link them to the point you make so the reader can see the link.
content
Shows a clear view that art matters and a balance with other subjects.
structure
The essay has clear paragraphs and a basic flow of ideas.
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