IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people say that now we can see films on our own phones and tablets there is no need to visit cinema and others say that to be fully enjoyed films need to be seen in a cinema if one wants to enjoy completely. Discuss both views and give your opinion?

With the advent of new technologies, our lives have changed significantly
including
Punctuation problem
, including
show examples
 our access to recreation
like
Punctuation problem
, like
show examples
 the way we watch
movies
Use synonyms
.
Nowadays
Punctuation problem
Nowadays,
show examples
 people tend to watch
movies
Use synonyms
 on their portable
devices
Use synonyms
 like phones and tablets
instead
Linking Words
 of going to the movie
theaters
Use the right word
theatres
show examples
.
This
Linking Words
 essay will try to
put
Verb problem
shed
show examples
 light
of
Change preposition
on
show examples
 both the ways of watching
movies
Use synonyms
 and will try to draw a conclusion. First of all, it's undeniable that watching
movies
Use synonyms
 on
protable
Correct your spelling
portable
devices
Use synonyms
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
 worth of time and place
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
this
Linking Words
also
Linking Words
grant
Correct subject-verb agreement
grants
show examples
 freedom. Definitely, one can watch
movies
Use synonyms
 at any time and place
Punctuation problem
, preferable
show examples
preferable
Replace the word
preferably
show examples
.
For example
Linking Words
, if a person wants to watch
movies
Use synonyms
at
Change preposition
in
show examples
 the morning
while
Linking Words
 sitting on the toilet, certainly it's possible.
Moreover
Linking Words
, enjoying
movies
Use synonyms
 on portable
devices
Use synonyms
allow
Correct subject-verb agreement
allows
show examples
 great freedom to choose from a large list of
movies
Use synonyms
starting
Punctuation problem
, starting
show examples
 from the
classics
Fix the agreement mistake
classic
show examples
movies
Use synonyms
 to those released recently.
Additionally
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
help
Correct subject-verb agreement
helps
show examples
 us to pass out our time with great amusement rather than succumbing to the gruesomeness of solitude.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, watching
movies
Use synonyms
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 the
theaters
Use the right word
theatres
show examples
 actually
grant
Correct subject-verb agreement
grants
show examples
 us some worthy experiences. It's undeniable that
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 the charm and essence of
movies
Use synonyms
 can only be
obtianed
Correct your spelling
obtained
 by watching
movies
Use synonyms
 on the big
screens
Use synonyms
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
this
Linking Words
 is where the small
screens
Use synonyms
 of portable
devices
Use synonyms
 fail.
For example
Linking Words
, watching a 3D movie on a big 3D screen is a lively experience, which smaller
screens
Use synonyms
 will always fail to provide.
Moreover
Linking Words
, it's a way
create
Verb problem
to create
show examples
 new social bonds and make the existing
one
Fix the agreement mistake
ones
show examples
 stronger because in general, people have the tendency to watch
movies
Use synonyms
 in groups.
To sum up
Linking Words
, it's obvious that watching
movies
Use synonyms
 on smaller
screens
Use synonyms
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
 handy, useful and easily accessible
but
Punctuation problem
, but
show examples
 watching
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 big
screens
Use synonyms
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
 the real way to get
one self
Use the right word
oneself
show examples
 enchanted. It's undeniable
newer
Correct word choice
that newer
show examples
 technologies always lure us to watch
movies
Use synonyms
 on mobiles and
tabs
Use the right word
tablets
show examples
but
Punctuation problem
, but
show examples
 for an engmatic
session
Add a comma
session,
show examples
 it's pertinent to watch
movies
Use synonyms
 in
theaters
Use the right word
theatres
show examples
l
Check wording
apply
show examples
.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

structure
Plan before you write. Put the view, then your own, in order.
content
Use one idea per sentence. Keep short and clear.
content
Give real examples that fit the idea.
grammar
Check spelling and make small errors fewer.
coherence
Use linking words like and, also, but, however to join ideas.
conclusion
Finish with a clear opinion restated.
structure
The essay shows both sides of the topic.
coherence
It uses clear sign words like 'on the other hand' to move ideas.
structure
There is a clear idea of the result you want to reach.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: