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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Advances in technology and automation have reduced for manual labour. Therefore, working hours should be reduced. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#advances #technology #automation #labour #hours
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The advent of technology has involved each facet of the contemporary world, including industrialisation. Automatic machines have mostly replaced human-operated work, precipitating the reduction of effective working
hours
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. From my standpoint, I agree with
this
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 notion as cutting-edge technology lessens human workload by decreasing the
time
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 of manufacturing and enhancing the productivity rate.
To begin
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 with the production process, using conventional methods requires a longer
time
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 which can lead to longer working
hours
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.
For example
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, ceramics manufacture needs about 1 month in total, starting from clay, shaping, and heating, until they become well-produced items.
However
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, in
this
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 modern era, the effect of machines is indispensable by reducing
time
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 by up to a third in ceramics production. Commencing from
this
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 fact, long working
hours
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 are not necessary for employees, and the decrease of
that is
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 a good idea.
Moreover
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, by the descending of
hours
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 in a job, people could optimise their
time
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 to achieve their working goals, resulting in an increase in productivity. If the workers do not experience short working
hours
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while
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 the process is effortlessly instant, they will get more demands causing a higher level of stress and a drop in productivity rate.
Therefore
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, a shorter effective
time
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 in the workplace is needed to aim for a greater number of production. In conclusion, the state-of-the-art instruments in the offices or factories have brought numerous advantages which is why I completely agree if working
hours
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 can be cut. The companies necessitate hand in hand with the employees' community in order to achieve positive development for both parties, whether reducing working
time
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 is a must or not.
Submitted by misstiasclassroom on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure a clear logical structure by organizing ideas into clear paragraphs. Each paragraph should introduce a single topic, develop it, and conclude before moving on to the next idea. Use cohesive devices appropriately to signal the relationship between ideas.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion are present, which is good. However, make them stronger by clearly stating your thesis statement in the introduction and summarizing your main points in the conclusion without introducing new ideas.
coherence cohesion
Support your main points with well-developed examples and explanations. Each idea should be expanded with specific details that illustrate the point you are trying to make.
task achievement
It's essential to fully address the prompt by covering all aspects of the task. Ensure you delve into the reasons behind your agreement or disagreement and provide a balanced discussion while maintaining your position throughout the essay.
task achievement
Aim for clear and comprehensive ideas by developing and explaining your points thoroughly. Avoid making general statements without backing them up with detailed reasoning or evidence.
task achievement
Integrate relevant and specific examples to strengthen your arguments. Demonstrate how these examples are pertinent to the topic and your position, and ensure they clearly support your ideas.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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