IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

some people say is a good way of bringing people of different cultures and ages together.To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion

Some
people
Use synonyms
 are of the opinion that the collaboration of
people
Use synonyms
 who have different origins and those of different ages is beneficial. Personally, I agree with
this
Linking Words
 point of view, for two main reasons.
Firstly
Linking Words
, bringing citizens from across the globe together improves their
relationship
Fix the agreement mistake
relationships
show examples
.
This
Linking Words
 is because, via learning customs and traditions of other nations, they start to appreciate them more.
For example
Linking Words
, my son's school, which educates students from all over the world , annually organises the international week, paving the way for young boys and girls to learn about different cultures.
As a result
Linking Words
 of expanding their horizons regarding different cuisines, music, dances, and craftsmanship, children start to understand more clearly the core values of each other and respect them more.
Therefore
Linking Words
,
such
Linking Words
 an approach leads to more friendly environment at school, strengthening their friendship.
In addition
Linking Words
, interacting
Use synonyms
people
Change preposition
with people
show examples
 of different ages has positive results at work.
This
Linking Words
 is because they can exchange their experience and skills.
While
Linking Words
 older employees can share their professional knowledge, which they have acquired throughout decades, younger workers have enough skills to help them with the cutting-edge technology, which is widely used these days.
For instance
Linking Words
, in order to help with the treatment of the patients, senior doctors supervise junior doctors, providing them with significant support.
In contrast
Linking Words
, younger employees help them carry out their responsibilities on computers. In conclusion, I take the view that bringing
people
Use synonyms
 of different cultures and age groups together improves their
relationship
Fix the agreement mistake
relationships
show examples
 and helps them work more efficiently.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task
Make your main idea clear in the opening line and restate it in the end to show a full answer.
task
Add a brief note that you see both sides, even if you mostly agree, to show balance.
coherence
Start each paragraph with a simple sentence that tells the point, then add examples.
grammar
Use short, easy words and check word order to avoid small mistakes.
coherence
Connect ideas smoothly and avoid repeating similar phrases.
content
A clear stand with two good reasons.
example
Good use of real examples from school and work.
structure
Clear structure with introduction, body, and conclusion.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: