IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Wild animals have no place in the 21st century, so protecting them is a waste of resources. To what extent do you agree or disagree

Some people argue that wild
animals
Use synonyms
 have no place in the modern world and
protecting
Correct word choice
that protecting
show examples
 them wastes
resources
Use synonyms
.
However
Linking Words
, I strongly disagree with
this
Linking Words
 view because wild
animals
Use synonyms
 play a vital role in the ecosystem and provide benefits to humans in many ways. First and foremost, protecting wild
animals
Use synonyms
is
Verb problem
does
show examples
 not
wasting
Wrong verb form
waste
show examples
 public
resources
Use synonyms
 because it can bring a lot of benefits. Biodiversity helps
stabilize
Use the right word
stabilise
show examples
 human life. Many different ecosystems require diverse organisms to maintain them, ensuring the Earth's ecological stability.
Moreover
Linking Words
, some
animals
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 enable research into new technologies or medical treatments.
For instance
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, the DNA of certain organisms may be used to develop highly effective drugs.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, occupying too much land area, leaving
animals
Use synonyms
 no space to survive, is unfair. Wildlife may have inhabited
this
Linking Words
 land before humans and need these
resources
Use synonyms
 more urgently.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, it is undeniable that
resources
Use synonyms
 can be used in different fields to help with human society.
Resources
Use synonyms
 are vital to humanity, especially food.
For instance
Linking Words
, many countries around the world still suffer from famine and require food aid.
Besides
Linking Words
, medical
resources
Use synonyms
 allocated for wildlife rescue could
also
Linking Words
 be partially directed toward assisting underdeveloped nations, whose populations may
similarly
Linking Words
 require
resources
Use synonyms
 to provide aid.
Thus
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,
although
Linking Words
 there are numerous possibilities that people can focus on to improve the world, it is still important that we do not cut off the rescue efforts toward wild
animals
Use synonyms
, as they are
also
Linking Words
 members of the Earth. In conclusion,
although
Linking Words
 modern biotechnology has become more advanced, it is not an appropriate method to maintain the ecosystem. I believe protecting wild
animals
Use synonyms
 can bring several benefits to humans and keep the ecological chain
sustainability
Replace the word
sustainable
show examples
.

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task response
State your view clearly in the first lines and keep it there. Do not shift your stance.
development
For each main point, add one clear idea and back it with a simple example.
coherence
Use link words to show how ideas go from one to the next and to join paragraphs.
vocabulary
Avoid repeating the same phrases. Use plain words and short sentences.
grammar
Check grammar and punctuation; use one idea per sentence when possible.
structure
End with a short, clear conclusion that restates your view.
idea
The writer shows a clear view against the prompt.
structure
There is basic but solid paragraph structure and use of linking words.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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