Some people say that to prevent illness and disease, governments should focus more on reducing environmental pollution and housing problems. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

In recent years, the question of whether governments should prioritise pollution and accommodation issues rather than only relying on medical treatment has been widely debated.
While
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some argue that there are numerous causes, particularly genetic disorders and sedentary lifestyles, that need to be addressed
first,
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I firmly believe that authorities must tackle environmental deterioration and living problems for better outcomes.
To begin
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with, the government must focus more on reducing pollution levels and enhancing housing conditions in order to prevent illnesses, as preventative measures are cost-effective compared with treating
diseases
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. When the state offers sanitation and ventilation facilities in each house, the citizens' well-being improves because contagious
diseases
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, which mostly spread in poorly maintained housing, are reduced.
Moreover
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, if the government enacts laws that require residents to use only eco-friendly products,
such
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as electric vehicles, biodegradable packaging, and plant-based diets, these measures will reduce personal carbon footprints, which ultimately enhances the air quality.
As a result
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, governments can prevent not only infectious
diseases
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but
also
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respiratory illnesses, including lung cancer, asthma, and chronic obstructive pulmonary disease, which is considered much cheaper than treating them.
Furthermore
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, high authorities can experience economic growth when they prioritise the environment and people's habitats. By protecting ecosystems and improving living conditions, healthy employees can play a crucial role in boosting the economy through becoming more productive at work, reducing absences
due to
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sickness, and contributing to innovation.
For instance
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, a 2020 study in Sweden found that enhancing air quality was one of the most significant contributors that helped their economy reach the top ten globally.
Therefore
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, a population that enjoys a healthy life
as a result
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of clean surroundings and safe housing directly strengthens the national economy.
To conclude
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,
although
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some people may emphasise other causes of
diseases
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, I am convinced that improving air quality and housing conditions are more effective. The government can substantially benefit by addressing housing and pollution issues.

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coherence
Work on how ideas fit together. Use clear links to show control of the topic.
examples
Add more strong examples and explain how they help your point.
accuracy
Check small grammar errors and use simple, clear phrases.
task response
State your point in one line at the start and end with a clear answer in the final line.
style
Use a wider mix of verbs and avoid long sentences that may confuse meaning.
structure
Clear view in the essay and a good start in each paragraph.
coherence
There are good links like 'to begin with' and 'therefore'.
argument
The idea of prevention is well shown with a cost claim.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • preventive healthcare
  • environmental regulations
  • respiratory diseases
  • public health policies
  • sanitation facilities
  • urban planning
  • communicable diseases
  • socio-economic factors
  • sustainable development
  • government intervention
  • healthcare infrastructure
  • industrial emissions
  • air quality index
  • affordable housing
  • mental wellbeing
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