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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The graph below shows the percentage of urban/suburban and rural households in a European country that had acces between 1999 and 2004.

The graph below shows the percentage of urban/suburban and rural households in a European country that had acces between 1999 and 2004.
The bar graph illustrates the proportion of internet connections in rural and suburban areas of Europe from 1999 to 2004.
Overall
Linking Words
, the usage of
internet
Correct article usage
the internet
show examples
 was very little
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
 the end of the 20th century in 1999 in both rural and urban
area
Fix the agreement mistake
areas
show examples
,
Punctuation problem
;
show examples
Linking Words
thereafter
Punctuation problem
thereafter,
show examples
 the usage
was
Verb problem
apply
show examples
increased in the next five years.
In addition
Linking Words
,
metropolitain
Correct your spelling
metropolitan
 cities had
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 higher number of locations compared to villages, throughout the period. All units
measured
Verb problem
are measured
show examples
 in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
percentage
Fix the agreement mistake
percentages
show examples
.
Firstly
Linking Words
, in 1999, cities had more than 10 and rural areas had around 2 per cent
the
Punctuation problem
, the
show examples
 lowest connectivity, which
is raised
Verb problem
rose
show examples
 in
next
Correct article usage
the next
show examples
 year
with
Change preposition
to
show examples
 30 and around 5, in
metropolitian
Correct your spelling
metropolitan
 and towns, respectively.
Moreover
Linking Words
,
same
Correct article usage
the same
show examples
 trend goes forward in
following
Correct article usage
the following
show examples
year
Punctuation problem
year,
show examples
 where
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 40 for urban and 10 for local areas connection.
Lastly
Linking Words
, the highest difference between city and village was in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
2000
Punctuation problem
2000,
show examples
 with around 37 per cent.
However
Linking Words
, towns
also
Linking Words
 increased their access in the
last
Linking Words
 two years, and reached
with
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the minimum variation
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
 the end of the period.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, in the
last
Linking Words
 year suburban
had
Check wording
areas had
show examples
 more than 50 and
rural
Correct article usage
the rural
show examples
had
Check wording
areas had
show examples
 nearly 40 per cent of users.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "last".
▼
Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 3 times.
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