IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some feel that the best way to ensure a happy home life for children is for parents to take a parenting course once a year. Others disagree

In the contemporary world, many people believe that
parents
Use synonyms
 should take parenting courses once a
year
Punctuation problem
year,
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while
Linking Words
 others have a different opinion.
This
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 essay will discuss both
point
Fix the agreement mistake
points
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 of view, followed by my opinion.
To begin
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 with, parenting a
child
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in
Change preposition
at
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 his early age is the most crucial phase of a mother and father’s
life
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.
Nowadays
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Nowadays,
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 both
parents
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 are working
on
Change preposition
apply
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a
Correct article usage
apply
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fulltime
Use the right word
full-time
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job
Fix the agreement mistake
jobs
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 and
therefore
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 they are too busy to take care of their
children
Use synonyms
 at home. Most of them do not spend enough
time
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 with their
child
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 to form a connection with them. They usually hire a nanny to look after the
child
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’s
need
Fix the agreement mistake
needs
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 when they are not around.
However
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, when
children
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 do not get the required attention from their
parents
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, they eventually spend
time
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 watching cartoons or sitting in front of the television or mobile phones.
Consequently
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, excessive screen
time
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 can lead to health problems
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for
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, for
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 example
;
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,
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 autism and speech delay.
Therefore
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, parenting courses can be a great help to teach them how to balance their work
life
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along with
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 spending quality
time
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 with their
children
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.
On the other hand
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, taking a parenting course once a year cannot guarantee a happy home
life
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 for the
children
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. Other factors like the bond between a mother and a father
also
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plays
Correct subject-verb agreement
play
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 an integral part in ensuring a healthy environment for a
child
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 to grow. Fights between
parents
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 can have a negative impact on a kid’s mind.
Furthermore
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, every
child
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 has
its
Fix the agreement mistake
their
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 own unique needs which can only be understood by their
parents
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and
Punctuation problem
, and
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 they can work together to build a healthy
surrounding
Check wording
environment
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 for their
kid
Check wording
child
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. To sum it up, taking a parenting course can help
parents
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 in raising their
children
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but
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, but
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 it can not always promise a happy home
life
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 for every family.

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task response
Make your view clear in the intro and say it again in the end.
task response
Use more direct and clear examples that link to each point.
structure
Start each paragraph with a clear topic sentence that shows its main idea.
language
Check grammar and punctuation; prefer short sentences for easy reading.
lexical
Keep words simple and avoid long phrases.
strength
The essay shows both sides of the issue.
strength
There is a clear attempt to give a final view on the topic.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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