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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The chart below gives information about European people of different age groups who went to the gym once a month or more between 1990 and 2010.

The chart below gives information about European people of different age groups who went to the gym once a month or more between 1990 and 2010.
The line graph compares four
various
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
age
Use synonyms
groups
Use synonyms
 in terms of went to the athletic club once a month or more from 1990 to 2010.
Overall
Linking Words
,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
all
age
Use synonyms
groups
Use synonyms
 started almost at the same point and experienced consistent increases in the
twenty year
Use the right word
twenty-year
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 period.
In
Linking Words
addition
Add a comma
addition,
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 the percentage of younger
groups
Use synonyms
 who went to the gym
were
Correct subject-verb agreement
was
show examples
 higher compared to
medium
Use the right word
middle-aged
show examples
age
Use synonyms
groups
Use synonyms
.
First,
Linking Words
the group of youths started at 10% in 1990 , and it peaked at 60% in 2006, which remained unchanged until 2010. Meanwhile , in the group
adults
Change preposition
of adults
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 who are between 25-
34
Add a comma
34,
show examples
 there is a rapid increase, starting at around 10% in 2010 and reaching 50% in 2010.
By contrast
Linking Words
, the group of
medium
Use the right word
middle-aged
show examples
age
Use synonyms
 people who are around 35-44 experienced
upward
Correct article usage
an upward
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 trend, starting at 7% in 1990,
then
Linking Words
 it rose gradually to approximately 20% in 2006, before witnessing rapid growth to 40% in 2010. Regarding the elderly people who are 45 years old showed the lowest results compared to other
age
Use synonyms
groups
Use synonyms
.
For
Linking Words
instance
Add a comma
instance,
show examples
 it started 5% in 1990 and increased only to 20% by growing gradually within 20 years.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words age, groups with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "compares" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increases" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "rapid" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "gradually" was used 2 times.
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