IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 2.5

ii. #Health | #Sports - Some people say that the best way to improve public health is by increasing the number of sports facilities. Others, however, say that this would have little effect on public health and that other measures are required. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion. (IELTS 9, AC)

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Introduction
Some people argue that if
rise
Correct word order
apply
show examples
the
opcions
Correct your spelling
options
 of sports facilities
, public
Correct word order
rise, public
show examples
 health
has improved
Wrong verb form
improves
show examples
.
For
Change preposition
On
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 the other hand, others
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 say that different ways have been studied
for
Change preposition
to
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 improve the good
commun
Correct your spelling
communication
. In
this
Linking Words
essay
Add a comma
essay,
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i
Fix capitalization
I
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tray
Use the right word
try
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 to explore
both
Use synonyms
 points
view
Change preposition
of view
show examples
 and give my personal opinion.
Body paragraph 1
Firstly
Linking Words
,
One
Fix capitalization
one
show examples
 piece of the population
believe
Correct subject-verb agreement
believes
show examples
 that
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
sporth
Correct your spelling
sports
 activities like
do
Wrong verb form
doing
show examples
exercices
Correct your spelling
exercises
 can improve the health
condicion
Correct your spelling
condition
.
In addition
Linking Words
, medical
reachers
Use the right word
researchers
show examples
has
Correct subject-verb agreement
have
show examples
 been
support
Replace the word
supporting
show examples
this
Linking Words
 opinion.
For
Linking Words
example
Add a comma
example,
show examples
 30 minutes for
walk
Correct article usage
a walk
show examples
 in the park every day, can be crucial for
reduction
Replace the word
reducing
show examples
 the
risgh
Correct your spelling
risk
 the
attact
Correct your spelling
attack
 to
heart
Correct article usage
the heart
show examples
.
Body paragraph 2
Secondly
Linking Words
, other groups have
different
Correct article usage
a different
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 argument
,
Punctuation problem
;
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 in fact,
the
Correct article usage
apply
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public health
politics
Check wording
policy
show examples
no is
Rephrase
is not
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 only
physical
Change preposition
about physical
show examples
 activity,
is
Verb problem
but also
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 fundamental
have
Wrong verb form
having
show examples
 a
balance
Replace the word
balanced
show examples
 diet,
both
Use synonyms
 can
be
Verb problem
help
show examples
 perfect to goal the best
result
Fix the agreement mistake
results
show examples
.
Nowdays
Use the right word
Nowadays
show examples
,
doctor
Fix the agreement mistake
doctors
show examples
has
Correct subject-verb agreement
have
show examples
 been
warming
Use the right word
warning
show examples
 that reduced levels of sugar and
grasas
Correct your spelling
fats
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
 the most important aspect for
care
Wrong verb form
caring for
show examples
 your heart.
Body paragraph 3
In my opinion,
both
Use synonyms
 are the best together, people need
a
Correct article usage
an
show examples
 integral life, move their
bodys
Correct your spelling
bodies
, keep good habits and take care
their
Change preposition
of their
show examples
 food. Research results
has
Correct subject-verb agreement
have
show examples
 been
illustred
Correct your spelling
illustrated
that
Linking Words
is
Correct pronoun usage
it is
show examples
 possible
increased
Verb problem
to increase
show examples
 the life
of
Check wording
expectancy of
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
people when have a balance.
Conclusion
In conclusion,
both
Use synonyms
point
Fix the agreement mistake
points
show examples
 are correct and can be better if worked together. In
publics
Use the right word
public
show examples
 politics is
essencial
Correct your spelling
essential
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
Correct article usage
the rol
show examples
rol
Correct your spelling
role
 of the government for stablics regulation for junk food and
incentived
Correct your spelling
incentivised
 activities
acroos
Correct your spelling
across
 the
commuties
Correct your spelling
communities
.

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planning
Plan your essay before you write. Each paragraph should have one main idea.
coherence
Use clear links between ideas. Use words like first, next, also, but, finally.
argument
Stick to one clear view. If you give your own opinion, say it simply and support it.
language
Use correct spell and form. Keep short and simple sentences.
content
You discuss both views and end with your own view.
content
You show a care for health topics.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • health
  • sport
  • facility
  • facilities
  • public
  • improve
  • increase
  • number
  • more
  • less
  • view
  • idea
  • plan
  • program
  • money
  • cost
  • spend
  • access
  • move
  • walk
  • bike
  • park
  • street
  • safe
  • habit
  • people
  • city
  • education
  • diet
  • exercise
  • activity
  • result
  • effect
  • support
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