IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Nowadays, many children are overweight and unhealthy. This problem is becoming very serious in many countries. Give the reasons for this and give the solutions to fix this problem.

Nowadays, many
children
Use synonyms
 are overweight and unhealthy.
This
Linking Words
 problem is becoming very serious in many countries. There are some reasons for
this
Linking Words
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
also
Linking Words
 some solutions that can help. One of the main reasons is unhealthy
food
Use synonyms
.
Children
Use synonyms
 today eat too much fast
food
Use synonyms
, sweets, and soft drinks. These foods have a lot of sugar, fat, and oil
which
Punctuation problem
, which
show examples
make
Correct subject-verb agreement
makes
show examples
 them gain weight quickly. Another reason is that
children
Use synonyms
 spend too much time on phones, computers, and television. They play video games or watch movies
instead
Linking Words
 of playing outside. Because of
this
Linking Words
, they do not do enough exercise.
Also
Linking Words
, some parents are busy and cannot cook healthy
food
Use synonyms
 or encourage their
children
Use synonyms
 to be active. There are some solutions to
this
Linking Words
 issue.
First,
Linking Words
schools should teach
children
Use synonyms
 about healthy eating and exercise. They can
also
Linking Words
 give healthy meals in the cafeteria
instead
Linking Words
 of junk
food
Use synonyms
.
Second,
Linking Words
parents should control the time
children
Use synonyms
 spend on screens and encourage them to play sports or walk in the park. Families can
also
Linking Words
 cook more vegetables and fruits at home to make a balanced diet.
Finally
Linking Words
, the government can make rules to reduce advertisements for fast
food
Use synonyms
 that target young people. In conclusion,
children
Use synonyms
 today are unhealthy mainly because of
poor
Correct article usage
a poor
show examples
 diet and
lack
Correct article usage
a lack
show examples
 of physical activity.
However
Linking Words
, with the help of schools, parents, and governments,
this
Linking Words
 problem can be reduced. If everyone works together,
children
Use synonyms
 can grow up healthy and strong.

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development
Add more depth to ideas by giving short examples or data.
task response
Make your main idea clearer in the intro and restate it in the conclusion.
coherence cohesion
Use more linking words to show how ideas connect.
coherence cohesion
Put related ideas in the same paragraph and use transitions to move from one idea to the next.
task response
Include more precise examples to back up your points.
content
Clear answer to causes and ways to fix the issue.
style
Simple and easy words are used well in the essay.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Obesity
  • Processed foods
  • Sedentary lifestyle
  • Nutrition
  • Caloric intake
  • Metabolic disorders
  • Physical activity
  • Health education
  • Dietary habits
  • Food marketing
  • Convenience foods
  • Health initiatives
  • Preventative measures
  • Body mass index (BMI)
  • Public health crisis
  • Lifestyle diseases
  • Healthy eating
  • Exercise regimen
  • Wellness programs
  • Social stigma
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