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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The pie chart below shows where energy is used in a typical Australian household, and the table shows the amount of electricity used according to the number of occupants.

The pie chart below shows where energy is used in a typical Australian household, and the table shows the amount of electricity used according to the number of occupants.
The pie chart illustrates how energy is used in typical Australian families, and the table shows the
amount
Use synonyms
 of
electricity
Use synonyms
 used by
number
Correct article usage
a number
show examples
 of families.
Overall
Linking Words
, heating and cooling and water heating account significant
amount
Use synonyms
, more than half of the household energy. Regarding the
amount
Use synonyms
 of household
electricity
Use synonyms
,
it is clear that
Linking Words
 as the family members
increase
Correct subject-verb agreement
increases
show examples
, the total
use
Use synonyms
 of kilowatt hours
raise
Verb problem
rises
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 constantly.
According to
Linking Words
 the chart, heating and cooling and water heating are the common reasons to
use
Use synonyms
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
electricity
Use synonyms
, at 38% and
at
Change preposition
apply
show examples
25% respectively. It is evident that these two categories account for more than 60% of all. Other reasons vary, fridges and freezers at 7%, lightning at 7%, and cooking at 4%;
however
Linking Words
, what particularly stands out is that other appliances
such
Linking Words
 as clothes and dish
washeent
Correct your spelling
are
is
Verb problem
apply
show examples
16%. It is notable that it takes
considerable
Correct article usage
a considerable
show examples
amount
Use synonyms
 of
electricity
Use synonyms
 to heat and cool rooms and to heat water.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, it is inevitable that as
many
Fix the agreement mistake
more
show examples
people
Use synonyms
live
Correct pronoun usage
who live
show examples
 in a house, the
Use synonyms
use of
Correct word choice
more
show examples
electricity
Use synonyms
increases
Verb problem
is used
show examples
. A person
Use synonyms
use
Correct subject-verb agreement
uses
show examples
 5,000 to 6,000
Use synonyms
kwh
Use the right word
kWh
show examples
 per year;
however
Linking Words
, interestingly, 2
people
Use synonyms
 only
use
Use synonyms
 6,000 to 8,000
Use synonyms
kwh
Use the right word
kWh
show examples
. 3
people
Use synonyms
 are at 7,500 to 10,000
Use synonyms
kwh
Use the right word
kWh
show examples
, and 6 or more
people
Use synonyms
use
Use synonyms
 12,000 to 16,000
Use synonyms
kwh
Use the right word
kWh
show examples
.
As a result
Linking Words
, it is predicted that because a household shares most of the spaces in a house, as family members increase, the
use
Use synonyms
 of each person's
amount
Use synonyms
 of
electricity
Use synonyms
decreases
Check wording
use decreases
show examples
.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "however".
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Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 76%.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words amount, electricity, use, people, kwh with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "amount" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "chart" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "amount" was used 5 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increase" was used 3 times.
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