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Band 7.5

Many things can influence the academic achievement and emotional growth of a student. In this regard, peers have more of an impact than teachers do. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

In recent years, the question of whether students are more influenced by their classmates or educators has been widely debated.
While
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 some contend that teachers can foster learners' emotional and academic skills, I strongly believe that a peer's impact is more effective.
To begin
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 with,
peers
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 have common interests and experiences. Adolescents often face the same academic and emotional challenges, allowing them to relate to one another.
For example
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, when classmates have the same mathematics exam, they motivate each other by studying together, sharing resources, and discussing topics, all of which are considered easier for them to comprehend the test materials compared to a structured lecture from a teacher.
Moreover
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, students often observe
peers
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' achievements and struggles,
thus
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 motivating them to strive to reach the same level and success.
Furthermore
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,
peers
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 significantly shape a student's attitude, habits, and social development, which can be seen in academic performance as well. Young people are highly sensitive to peer approval and may adjust their behaviour to fit into a group.
For instance
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, a 2020 study in the United States found that 77% of adolescents were socially affected by their classmates, with either positive outcomes,
such
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 as high self-esteem, excellent grades, and good manners, or negative consequences from bullying.
Nevertheless
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, the strength of
peers
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' influence is much stronger than that of authorities who have limited control over academic and emotional contexts.
To conclude
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,
although
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 educators can have certain effects, I am convinced that students are more vulnerable to those of their age in terms of school achievement and personal growth.

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strength
Your view is clear from the start.
improvement
Add more sides. Talk more about both teachers and peers.
improvement
Link ideas with simple words and short or medium length sentences.
improvement
If you use facts or numbers, be sure they are true or say where they come from.
improvement
Make a new point in a new line and give a small example for it.
strength
Clear view in the intro.
strength
Good use of examples to show how peers can help.
strength
A short and clear ending that restates the view.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • academic achievement
  • emotional growth
  • peers
  • impact
  • role models
  • social support
  • motivate
  • strive
  • collaborative learning environment
  • share resources
  • provide explanations
  • self-esteem
  • peer pressure
  • bullying
  • emotional difficulties
  • social dynamics
  • educational environment
  • expertise
  • personal influence
  • daily attitudes and behaviors
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