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Writing Samples
Band 6

Band 9: At the present time, the population of some countries includes a relatively large number of young adults, compared with the number of older people. Do the advantages of this situation outweigh the disadvantages?

In many countries, the proportion of young adults significantly exceeds that of older people.
While
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 some view
this
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 demographic shift as advantageous
due to
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 the energy and potential of a younger workforce, others argue that it brings challenges,
such
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 as a lack of experienced individuals.
This
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 essay will examine both the benefits and drawbacks of
this
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 situation before concluding that the advantages outweigh the disadvantages. On the one hand, a youthful
population
Use synonyms
 brings numerous benefits, particularly in terms of economic growth and innovation. Younger individuals tend to be more energetic, adaptable, and open to new ideas, which can drive progress and productivity across various sectors.
For instance
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, countries with a high proportion of young people often experience faster technological advancements and greater entrepreneurial activity, contributing to national development.
Additionally
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, younger citizens are generally healthier, placing less strain on
healthcare
Use synonyms
 systems compared to
aging
Use the right word
ageing
show examples
 populations.
This
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 enables governments to allocate resources to other areas,
such
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 as education and infrastructure.
On the other hand
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, a
population
Use synonyms
 skewed towards youth can present several challenges. One major concern is the potential lack of experienced professionals and leaders, as older generations typically possess the wisdom and practical knowledge gained from years of experience. Without
this
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 expertise, critical sectors
such
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 as governance,
healthcare
Use synonyms
, and education may suffer.
Moreover
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, a youthful
population
Use synonyms
 today suggests an
aging
Use the right word
ageing
show examples
 society in the future, which will inevitably lead to increased demand for pensions and
healthcare
Use synonyms
 services. Governments must
therefore
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 prepare for the long-term implications of
this
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 demographic trend. In conclusion,
while
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 there are valid concerns about a lack of experience and the future challenges of an
aging
Use the right word
ageing
show examples
 society, the advantages of having a larger young
population
Use synonyms
,
such
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 as increased innovation, economic dynamism, and reduced
healthcare
Use synonyms
 costs, are far more compelling.
Therefore
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, I believe that the benefits of
this
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 situation clearly outweigh the disadvantages, particularly in the context of global economic competition.

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task
Start with a clear view in the first sentence and restate it in the last sentence.
task
Add more real examples to back each point.
coherence
Use simple link words to show how ideas fit, like also, but, however, for this reason.
style
Keep long ideas short and plain; use short sentences so the text is easy to read.
content
The writer shows both sides and a clear view.
structure
The parts fit well and the idea links are clear.
coherence
Paragraphs are easy to read and flow well.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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