IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people believe that it is good to share as much information as possible in scientific research, business and the academic world. Others believe that some information is too important or too valuable to be shared freely. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

Recently, there has been a widespread discussion regarding the issue of
information
Use synonyms
 sharing. Some
people
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 believe it is beneficial to share all the available things of
research
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, business and academic world,
while
Linking Words
 others
confirm
Verb problem
believe
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 that
people
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 should be charged for valuable
information
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. I am inclined to believe that
people
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 should pay for
the
Correct article usage
apply
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important
information
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.
One
Use the right word
On
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 the one hand, somebody
confirm
Correct subject-verb agreement
confirms
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 that opening the
information
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 access right is beneficial for
people
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 to do
further
Linking Words
research
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. As more useful
information
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shared
Verb problem
is shared
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 directly, scientists or researchers can do deeper explorations
base
Replace the word
based
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 on the knowledge and
data
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 provided by the previous
research
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, which can save a lot of time and resources.
For instance
Linking Words
, over 95% of the articles published by journals have more than 100 citations, which not only helped to prove their thoughts, but
also
Linking Words
 provided strong
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data
Check wording
apply
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evidence.
As a result
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, sharing more
information
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 is helpful for a country’s academic development.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, some
people
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 hold a perspective that important
information
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 should be chargeable to protect the confidential
data
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, especially the internal
data
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 of a company. Some
research
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 and
information
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 are highly connected with the core competency and competitive advantage of a corporation, which have a significant impact on the revenue and turnover.
That is
Linking Words
 the reason why many companies only share part of their
information
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 and
data
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 freely to the public.
Therefore
Linking Words
, sharing important
information
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 is not worthwhile for many entities.
In
Change preposition
From
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 my perspective, getting
every
Correct determiner usage
all the
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information
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 without payment is unfair to the authors. Each
research
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 result or output they got is
worthy
Replace the word
worth
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for
Change preposition
apply
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some money because they made a lot of
efforts
Fix the agreement mistake
effort
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 to finish
them
Correct pronoun usage
it
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.
Therefore
Linking Words
, I confirm that important
information
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 should
charge
Wrong verb form
be charged
show examples
Use synonyms
people
Change preposition
to people
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 who want to read it. In conclusion, some
people
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 believe that more
information
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be
Wrong verb form
being
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 shared is better,
while
Linking Words
 others hold the opposite. I strongly agree with the opinion that
people
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 should be charged when trying to read significant
information
Use synonyms
.

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development
The essay has a clear view and a plan, but needs more strong ideas and full reasons for each side. Give two or three main ideas for each view and link them to your view.
coherence
Linking is okay but can be tighter. Use simple links like 'first', 'also', 'however', 'therefore' to show how ideas go from one to the next.
grammar
Fix grammar errors to help clarity, for example 'On the one hand' not 'On the one hand' and 'based on' not 'base on'. Check tenses and subject-verb use in places.
accuracy
Make sure facts or numbers are clear and true, or show them as opinion. Do not use numbers that might be wrong unless you know them.
Content
You give both sides and a clear view of your own opinion.
Organization
The structure has an intro, two body paragraphs and a conclusion.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • information sharing
  • scientific research
  • business
  • academic world
  • advancement of knowledge
  • progress
  • collaboration
  • cross-disciplinary research
  • open access
  • democratization of information
  • transparency
  • credibility
  • intellectual property
  • security concerns
  • commercial interests
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