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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Some believe that children should be taught from a young age how to handle money. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Nowadays, a number of people discuss whether
children
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 should be taught how to use
money
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 effectively. I strongly agree that they should learn that habit at a young age in order for it to grow with them.
To begin
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 with, when
children
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 are taught how to use
money
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 at that age, the idea will grow with them and become something beneficial that helps them in the future.
This
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 is because it teaches them how not to spend
money
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 on things that are not really necessary.
For instance
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, when
children
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 get everything they want and unlimited
money
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 from their parents, they will always use it all.
However
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, when there is a limited budget, they will have to learn how to save
money
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 in order to get the things they wish for, which helps them in the future when needing to make a crucial choice.
For example
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, when needing to get a vital thing,
such
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 as a house, they will already know how to save for it in order to secure it.
Furthermore
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, it encourages their independence and decision-making.
For example
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, they might not need to get a loan from anyone because they learned how to save
money
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.
Moreover
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, when learning a habit like that, it is going to have a huge effect on their decisions.
This
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 is because when having to make a
choice
Punctuation problem
choice,
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 whether it is to save
money
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 to get something they truly want, or just get the instant pleasure by getting the thing
that is
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 available now, with
such
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 experience, it will eventually help them to make a choice. In conclusion, teaching
children
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 how to save
money
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 is a really crucial thing at their age, as it encourages their independence and decision-making, and helps them not to spend
money
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 on useless things.

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task
Make a clear plan before you write. List your 3 main ideas and give a full view of each.
coherence
Use linking words to join ideas smoothly. Also vary how you start sentences and try not to make long, hard lines.
examples
Give more exact examples. Explain how each example helps the point and relate it to daily life.
content
Shows a clear view on the topic and gives reasons.
organization
Has an intro and a conclusion.
content
Gives ideas about saving and independence that relate to money use.
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