IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

It is important for people to take risks, both in their professional lives. Do you think the advantages of taking risks outweigh the disadvatages?

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There is an argument about working professionals between two groups of
people
Use synonyms
. One group claims that
doctors
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 and engineers should
work
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 in the
country
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 where they graduated and became well-experienced,
while
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 some individuals believe that they should have options to
work
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 in another
country
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 if they wish.
According to
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 the first idea, professionals should not have any permission to
work
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 in another
country
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. One reason is that because they spend lots of time studying in schools and universities at their period of age, they are responsible for their
country
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 and should help ordinary
people
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 in different situations.
For example
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,
doctors
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 have important rules in all nations especially surgeons in various types of health
such
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 as brain and heart because of the sensitivity of the issue. These days many countries are suffering from a lack of skilful
doctors
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. So, governments should preserve them by providing some advantages for them.
Also
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, there are some engineers who can help the government in different fields like IT, Nanotechnology, AI, Robotics, and other trend sciences.
On the other hand
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, other groups believe that these experts should have the ability to choose which situations are suitable for them.
For instance
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, a
country
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 lacks high-tech instruments for caring for
people
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.
Therefore
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, they have to go abroad and expand their network and
also
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 they should follow new technologies to be updated in their careers.
This
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 can provide opportunities to prioritise situations for their lives, even if they want to go back to their motherland. In my opinion, it is better to explore their surroundings in order to make their own road map for their lives.
To sum up
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, some
people
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 think that experts like
doctors
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 and engineers should
work
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 in their own
country
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,
whereas
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 other group claims that they must be free to make their own fortune.

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coherence cohesion
Ensure that your introduction clearly states the topic and your thesis statement. This helps set the stage for the arguments that follow.
task achievement
Develop your paragraphs fully with well-rounded supporting details and examples. This can help make your points more compelling and clear.
coherence cohesion
You should work on using transitional words more effectively. This will help create a smoother flow of ideas between sentences and paragraphs.
task achievement
Try to be more precise and clear with your arguments and examples. This will help in better conveying your perspectives to the reader.
task achievement
Your essay presents a balanced argument by discussing both sides of the topic.
task achievement
You have included relevant examples in your paragraphs.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a clear structure with separate paragraphs for different points of view.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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