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Writing Samples
Band 4

In some countries young people are encouraged to work or travel for a year between finishing high school and starting university studies. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages for young people who decide to do this .

A number of countries
,
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apply
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 encourage high school graduates to travel or get a job for a year before getting into a university.In my opinion,
although
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,
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apply
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this
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 approach has some drawbacks
like
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, like
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 less motivation to
study
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 for
students
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,
but
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apply
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it has some merits
namely
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, namely
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 increasing social
skills
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. The primary drawback
,
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apply
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 for the pupils might be
reduction
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a reduction
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 in
motive
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motivation
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 to
study
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.By getting a job, the pupils get to earn probably for their first time;
this
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new found
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newfound
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 financial freedom is a new experience for these young people.
This
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 can lead to the pupil taking up that
work
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as
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apply
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a
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apply
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full-time.I know
one
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 of my relatives, who used to
work
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 as an
uber
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Uber
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 driver,
he
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apply
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had
recieved
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received
 enough revenue to sustain himself, and
as a result
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 decided to drop
of
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out of
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 his uni.Travelling can
also
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 lead to the same outcome as working; the inactivity in studying combined with
new found
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newfound
show examples
 distractions can reduce
ones
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one's
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 motive to
study
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.
However
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,
one
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 must not disregard its merits; the most obvious
benifit
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benefit
 of
this
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 is
increase
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increased
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 social
skills
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.Both travelling and finding
work
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enables
Correct subject-verb agreement
enable
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one
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 to interact with new individuals,
thus
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 providing them with a golden
oppurtunity
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opportunity
 to increase their social network and communication.I myself
,
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apply
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 have made a number
if
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of
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 strong
friendhsips
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friendships
 by partaking in internships and travelling.
In addition
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, the
students
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 can gain
skills
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 like time
managment
Correct your spelling
management
 from doing
work
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;
this
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 skill will have great
carry over
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carryover
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 to their
further
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 studies
;
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,
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 enabling them to create effective
study
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 schedules rather than just cramming stuff
last
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 minute.
Moreover
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, the
students
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 get a break from studies and discover who they are and what they want to be.In most
high-schools
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high schools
show examples
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students
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, students
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 are competing with each other every day
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. This
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this
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Use synonyms
one year
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one-year
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 gap can enable pupils to take a break from the competitive
envirement
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environment
 and discover their
intrests
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interests
,hobbies
etc
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, etc
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. In
conlusion
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conclusion
, taking a break from studies and
preforming
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performing
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 other activities can cause loss of inspiration to pursue
univeristy
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university
,
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.
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Nevertheless
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, it develops important
skills
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 like time
managment
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management
, communication
etc
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, etc
show examples
.
Therefor
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Therefore
show examples
, I believe the advantages
outwieght
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outweigh
 its disadvantages

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language
Fix spelling and grammar. Use short, clear sentences.
structure
Make a clear plan: an intro that states your view, two body paragraphs for the pros and cons, and a short conclusion.
content
Give clear examples that connect to each point, and explain why they matter.
task response
The essay tries to discuss both sides of the issue.
content
It shows real points like social skills and time use.
coherence
Personal touch is used to show view.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Cultural immersion
  • Life experience
  • Work ethic
  • Career readiness
  • Self-discovery
  • Delayed gratification
  • Intellectual stagnation
  • Financial implications
  • Social dynamics
  • Academic trajectory
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