IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3.5

Many governments in the world spend large amounts of money on art which helps to develop quality in people’s life. However, governments should spend money on other things rather than art. Do you agree or disagree? Give your opinion.

in the beginning iam going to write about governments and where should they spend their
money
Use synonyms
 on , of course i agree that governments spend
money
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 on
art
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 because there are curtain types of
art
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 deserve spending
money
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 on , but i disagree about spending a lot of
money
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 on
art
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 , because there are many things more important than
art
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 , like the homeless people we must focus on them , iam not saying giving them
money
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 without any reason , but we should provide them houses and jops ,
this
Linking Words
 should be part of us , humanity is more important than any thing else , people have needs like jops to afford food , and shelter to find place to sleep , i believe that governments should spend more
money
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 on building hospitals and shelters for those who can't provide themselves
this
Linking Words
 kind of stuff , in conclusion ,
art
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 is important thing in our community and its important thing to spend
money
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 on , but there is more important things in our lives specially on
this
Linking Words
 time

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planning
Plan your essay before you write. Start with a short intro that states your view. Then use two clear ideas in the body and finish with a short conclusion.
language
Use simple and correct spelling and grammar. Fix words like 'curtain' to 'certain', 'jops' to 'jobs', and 'art' spelling.
content
Make your ideas fit the task. Say if you agree or not, and give why with clear, simple facts.
coherence
Use linking words to join lines. For example 'first', 'also', 'but', 'in addition', 'however'.
idea
The writer shows a clear view and tries to state a balance between art and other needs.
structure
There are real points like homes, jobs, and hospitals used as examples.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • cultural heritage
  • social cohesion
  • economic stimulation
  • job creation
  • local businesses
  • art education
  • creativity
  • critical thinking
  • public art
  • urban beautification
  • mental health
  • well-being
  • quality of life
  • investing in art
  • community pride
What to do next:
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